c u next tuesday

So yes, its been a while. Booo hoo for you. I, on the other hand, have been having some crazy times. So I finished up school. So we shall start with my birthday!

• Well Brandon was unable to come up to visit. That was a complete bummer. I was at the farmers market with my roommate sarah, and my two guy friends jona and scotty too hotty. I get a call from Brandon. I was expecting him to say hey im on the plane, see you soon. Uh no. that is not what happened. He missed his flight. It was pretty frustrating. Both of us were pretty upset. i had to keep myself composed in front of my friends though. So I sucked it up and said I needed a diet coke. We rushed over to horkleys, Rexburgs famous large cheap drink place. Guess how long the line was to get a drink? Um at least a half hour wait. Not okay. Got back in the car and was even more pissed. So I we went back to the apartment. Overall the mood was bum-tastic. So I didn’t really have a plan for that night. Luckily, my momma sent me a package that contained a gift card to barnes and noble. BAM if anything could make me feel better it was that. and it did. Kudos to scotty and jona for coming with me and making my day better.

• So here is the next big thing that happened. So my friend jona turned out to be more than just a friend. We started hanging out every day. I would usually mozy over there casually at night. I am friends with everyone in that apartment so I would be very casual about showing my fondness for him. haha. I thought I was pretty smooth. Thing is, I am too smooth. I guess my little notions did not convey that I liked him. so one night, he was walking me back to my car and we were just talking. I was already thinking that something big is going down. So I asked him what he was doing tomorrow and he just interrupts me and says, “kim, do you like me?” I was just astounded by the straighforewardness of it. I liked that a lot. but being kim turley, I could not have just flat out said yes. I had to play it cool. I round a bout way said yes. And things went from there. I did tell him about my nervousness about relationships in general and how I am not always the most comfortable with touchy feely stuff. So we decided to just take is one day at a time.

• Well things were great. We would hang out at normal and we def got closer. Now for all those who know me, I am not a person to share my feelings. I do not like to talk about them, discuss them, analyze them, or even have them. hahah harsh but true. But I really opened up with jona. Hes a person who I can be comfortable with. I let myself be me. I saw a change with myself. A good change. I was comfortable being me. I don’t think jona understands how important that is to me. I am really happy when I am with him. he is also a very genuine guy. He treats me so well. I always feel safe with him.

• Now this is all a little bittersweet. At the end of the semester, as in like three weeks ago, we had to have the talk of what was gonna happen with us. Talking about feelings. Woo hoo. But this is good for me. I really have become better. The struggle for me is knowing what I want. I know I like being with jona. But I do not know how far I want that to go. I guess this is a fear of mine. I like to control things. I hate not know what is gonna happen. Its like reading a book but I can only get a page a day. there is no way I can read fast or skip to the last page and find out the ending. It blows.

• So for the bitter. We decided that we are on a break. I don’t know how long this will last. But it hurts none the less. It just hurts no knowing. I miss him being around and just talking to him. and have I mentioned that the break just happened yesterday. So….. hm. It’s been less than two days and it already sucks. But I guess this is good because then I get to really find out my true feelings for him. so as for now it sucks.

• Here is the bright side. Starting today I am going to just enjoy this time. sure I will miss jona, but maybe it will work out. Maybe it wont. Hopefully no matter what we can still be friends. I would miss him too much. I am going to go on dates and figure out what I want in life so I can make more definite decisions when necessary.

My life is a lot like a roller coaster right now. There are ups and downs, drops and climbs, but I still end up in the same place, back at the starting platform.