progress i guess

On a happy note, here are my results. I never realized how gross I looked before, sorry not gross. Just unhealthy. So here is my goodbye to those 9 ¾ inches. Peace out and never come back.

I would not say I am stuck in life, more that I am progressing really slowly. I am truly trying to progress like the gospels says. I just don’t feel like it. But I have progressed physically as well as mentally. I think I grow up more and more every day in both senses. I also see how I am turning in to my mom more and more. I have come to this conclusion several times, all of which result in me crying. Like seriously. Those who know me personally know that I do not, or try not, to cry in public. I like to keep emotions to myself. I guess that is selfish, but I do it.

There have been several instances where I have started to tear up.  A couple of weeks ago I was helping Sarah drop her brother off at the MTC. From previous experience I have learned that one cannot simply drop someone off at the MTC without crying. That is impossible. So I offered to drive down with her to the MTC so she would not have to drive alone home alone. First we had to pick up her brother at the airport and while we were there two missionaries were coming home from their missions. As soon as I saw the elders embrace their mothers and family I started to tear up. I just remember when my brothers and sister came home and how spiritual and joyful it was. It is such a sweet experience to see them accomplish such a feat. I mean, giving yourself to the Lord fully for two years is intense. I cannot imagine how many days it could feel so difficult to keep going.

The second time literally just happened to me. I was reading my sisters blog and she was talking about how Cooper, her son, still snuggles with her. He is 5. To quote her blog she said, “Yester we were laying down having some quiet time in my bed (which we routinely do) and I felt him move my pillow so he could move his head on my shoulder. To be adored by your oldest son is something I will always cherish...all I could see when I looked at him was my tiny baby smiling at me, looking up at my eyes with his big blue ones”. I hope one day to have this relationship with my children. Hopefully soon I can start my family. This simple gesture by the Cooper-duper-super-fly-man made me cry. I miss them. I miss all of my cheese boys.

My other sister is pregnant with twins right now and she has asked me to be her doula. At first I had no idea what the heck that was. Basically it is an assistant to the midwife. I am going to help her with her labor. I am sincerely humbled that Natalie thought of me. We think alike. She told me I will be able to calm her down in ways that we both can understand. I hope I can live up to her standards. I am going to research and try to be the best that I can. This little gesture has got me thinking about becoming a midwife. I have always been fascinated with birth ever since I have watched my eldest sister give birth. I think it is amazing how a baby can be born. It is just insane. 

So that is my life for now. This weekend I have my volleyball tournaments for my guys team and girls team. Hopefully, we can both get to the championships...and hopefully we will win!

xoxox

gg