but before that. here is some background info. we kissed. on a Saturday. that lasted a weekish. he told me, after a night of conoodling, that he was going to go on another date with another girl the next Saturday. we will call her Missy. in all fairness, I thought that would be ok. that is what dating is. Saturday rolls around. I was not ok. at all. I felt sick. the next day, he was being so nice. like doing my dishes, but I felt sick. so Sunday night, the day after his date with the other girl, a week after we first kissed, we talked.
- I said "I don't know how I feel"
- he said "me neither"
- I said "but I know I don't like you going out with other girls, but I don't want to be exclusive"
- he said "yes. that's what we agreed on"
- I said "I realize that I cannot handle thinking of you on dates with other girls. I compare myself to them and that is not good for me. it makes me doubt myself. but I don't feel that I like you enough to be exclusive. and well I guess that means that it the answer. if we both don't know after all the time we spent together...I think that is the answer. we should stop"
- he said "is this going to affect me getting invited to things"
- I kid you not. that is what he said. right after what I said.
- being nice, I said "no, I will be fine with it"
- he said "good. what I wanted out of this was a best friend. like someone I can talk to about stuff we talk about. could we still talk like that?"
- ok...and with benefits?
- I said "well, I have enough friends. I don't need more. I want people I can date. I do not want to waste my energy, time, and emotions on another friend. I cannot go that in-depth with a new friend. because I cannot give that much of myself away. it is already hard enough to do that in general"
- he said "that is fair"
and that's it. he left, taking a cookie before walking out the door. and I cried. I am not particularly sure why I cried. I know that I was mourning a loss. I was losing a friend. I knew I wasn't going to hang out with him anymore. but I also thought I was crying because I was proud for standing up for myself. I was able to learn form my experience from the Merman. I stopped something before it could hurt me as much as it hurt me with the Merman. and I only stopped something because it felt right. it wasn't worth it to potentially be hurt. that's also how I knew that this was the right decision.
so. after that Sunday. we still had a Halloween party we had to go to together. it was a murder mystery and coupled theme. him and I were a couple. luckily, I was a religious zealot. so I could be snippy and weird and have an excuse to not touch him. it was actually pretty fun. Brandon was also there, so I had him to lean on. Halloween was on Friday. so he goes on a date with Missy, from the week before, the night before Halloween. they kissed. woo hoo.
flash forward to Saturday. day after our Halloween extravaganza. he went on a date with another rando. and then I think Missy again...but not sure. I am not a stalker.
Sunday morning. Facebook official with Missy.
glad I got out and made way for their happiness.
I feel like I should provide a disclaimer. I am not bitter. more so, I am happy that I did what I needed to do. he was not right for me and I him.
this experience was worth it. even though it sucked. I learned that I can and should always voice my opinions. it is not worth questioning a situation or comparing at the cost of trying to 'go with the flow'. my life is just that. it is mine. I should not settle for anything that is less than what I desire.
and I won't.
p.s. I think the best is how he told me he was in a relationship. before I saw it on fbook, he gave me and my friend, Erin, a ride home from church. her and I were engrossed in singing a song and out of nowhere he says, "so I have a girlfriend now." we both stopped singing and just said that's great then went straight back to singing. haha it sounds kinda rude of us...but the way he said it was just out of left field.
