tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83366499333714392612024-02-02T00:25:55.668-08:00There and Back Again.Life is a handful of short stories, pretending to be a novel.Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.comBlogger76125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-65588611721414829242016-03-03T20:53:00.000-08:002016-03-03T20:53:09.284-08:00change is hard = biggest understatement of the year<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There are a few things in life I know with surety.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know that </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">Christ </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">is the Savior of the world and that He died for us that we may have eternal happiness</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know that <span style="font-size: large;">cupcakes </span>are always a good choice</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know that I <span style="font-size: large;">love </span>my fiance</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know that people are <span style="font-size: large;">good</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know that <span style="font-size: large;">instrumental </span>music is super successful in putting me in an uplifting mood</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know that my knowledge of the <span style="font-size: large;">Bachelor </span>is far more than it needs to be </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know that I have a hard time coping with <span style="font-size: large;">change</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The last point is what I truly <span style="font-size: large;">need </span>to write about. I cannot figure out my thoughts and writing somehow helps me with that. Thus, my <span style="font-size: large;">need</span>. My life is changing in so many capacities, I feel like a <span style="font-size: large;">balloon </span>that is being fed too much air, ready to <span style="font-size: large;">explode</span>. Yesterday, I could not breathe I felt so <span style="font-size: large;">overwhelmed</span>. I do not want to be dramatic, but I would try to calm myself down and then keel over overwhelmed with thinking about everything. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So yes, my life is <span style="font-size: large;">not </span>being threatened by some warmonger. <span style="font-size: large;">Nor </span>am I in poverty, fighting for my life daily. <span style="font-size: large;">Nor </span>have I lost a loved one at a tragic age.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have been blessed. #<span style="font-size: large;">whitegirlproblems </span>So blessed that I feel silly for having these emotions. That is how I have felt my entire life; I have so much, why would I ever <span style="font-size: large;">dare </span>complain or let myself feel emotions that seems silly compared to the travesties that are ever present across the world. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Part of me is saying, “Suck it up!” And another part is responding, “That’s what she said!” And then another part, a quiet part, is saying that my problems still matter. And another part, screaming, is saying, “other people have it worse.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Which one do I <span style="font-size: large;">listen </span>too? How can I <span style="font-size: large;">appease </span>all of these thoughts? Is <span style="font-size: large;">one </span>wrong?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My comfy life is changing, though not to an uncomfortable one. A different one. I am just changing from one role in life to another. Well, adding another role which <span style="font-size: large;">alters </span>my other roles. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am getting married! <span style="font-size: large;">Ring </span>all the bells, celebrate at all the parties! This girl has finally found the guy for her. I am <span style="font-size: large;">ecstatic</span>! Honestly. (seriously, Michael, when you read this, I am excited for forever with you)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Marrying someone not only changes my status, from Beyonce’s number one single to Etta James’ “At last”), but it also changes my role. It boils down to this.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Pre-marriage: I account to <span style="font-size: large;">myself</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Marriage: I have to account to <span style="font-size: large;">another </span>person. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am ok with that! I love thinking of what he needs and trying my best to cater to those needs. I love him and desire to make him happy at all times. I try. I fail. I try again. I succeed. I try. I fail. And so on. But now I have to think past just him, but also his family’s needs. I am fine with that... until I think about how sometimes I have to <span style="font-size: large;">give up </span>parts with my family. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is where I cannot <span style="font-size: large;">breathe</span>.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My life’s role has been a role of <span style="font-size: large;">support</span>. I like to support my family in any way they need. Help my mom clean the hose up after a party when everyone else is doing something else or forgets, babysit for my sisters for free, pick up flowers for the house in a three hour drive, I drive cars for my dad and brothers 10 hour bike races. I like that role. I like being available to help my family. <span style="font-size: large;">Scratch </span>that. I <span style="font-size: large;">love </span>being able to help my family. I love being with my family for those little moments, some that I can <span style="font-size: large;">never repeat </span>or have again. Serving them helps me <span style="font-size: large;">show </span>how much I love them. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is where I cannot <span style="font-size: large;">breathe</span>. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have to split my time now. I cannot just think of my family. I have <span style="font-size: large;">two </span>others to consider, Michael’s family and Michael and I’s family. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is where I cannot <span style="font-size: large;">breathe</span>.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">His family is just as important as mine. There is the <span style="font-size: large;">change</span>. I cannot <span style="font-size: large;">be </span>all that I was for my family now. Or at least I think I cannot. How can I be this ever-present aunt when I will be hundreds of miles away from my cheeseboys? How can I be a wonderful sister or daughter? Yes, I have lived away from home during college, but I was <span style="font-size: large;">transient</span>. I could go back anytime. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is where I cannot <span style="font-size: large;">breathe</span>.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I cannot just leave all the time and it will only get <span style="font-size: large;">harder </span>and <span style="font-size: large;">harder </span>as children come to have that physical (as in being in the same place) relationship with my family. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“<span style="font-size: large;">I wish you could just live here</span>,” my sweet eight-year-old nephew, Cooper. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is where I cannot <span style="font-size: large;">breathe</span>.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is not the first time he said it, he has said it a few times and so has his brother. It <span style="font-size: large;">kills </span>me every time. Makes me <span style="font-size: large;">keel </span>over. They are only ever going to be children once and I will miss it. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is where I cannot <span style="font-size: large;">breathe</span>.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I need to be selfish, but I do not want to. I need to think of my new family unit with Michael, but I do not want to let my old one slip away. My new family I am making <span style="font-size: large;">needs </span>to come <span style="font-size: large;">first </span>and I am terrified. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This is where I cannot <span style="font-size: large;">breathe</span>.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What if I <span style="font-size: large;">cannot </span>do that? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I <span style="font-size: large;">believe </span>I can... but I am terrified of what I am losing, going numb to what I am <span style="font-size: large;">missing </span>out on back with my family. Not having my family there for my <span style="font-size: large;">big </span>moments like I was there for theirs. I <span style="font-size: large;">want </span>them there. I <span style="font-size: large;">need </span>them there. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am <span style="font-size: large;">gaining </span>an eternal companion, my best friend I get to have for literally ever. There are so many <span style="font-size: large;">blessings </span>attached to this and I have been <span style="font-size: large;">waiting </span>since I was 12 for this. I am marrying into a beautiful family. What a great <span style="font-size: large;">gift</span>! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">#<span style="font-size: large;">whitegirlproblem </span>And I am <span style="font-size: large;">complaining</span>. </span></div>
Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-5209569843176477842016-02-09T21:20:00.001-08:002016-02-09T21:23:54.088-08:00sorry to interject... <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">People </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">shorten </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">my name all the time. I introduce myself as <span style="font-size: large;">Kimberly </span>and they always respond within a minute with calling me <span style="font-size: large;">Kim</span>. It makes my smile falter as if I needed all the syllables in my name to hold up the corners of my mouth. When I do not have those three distinct tones and am <span style="font-size: large;">divided </span>by three turning into one syllable, I can only hold a third of a smile.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">He asked what I like to be called. I said the </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; white-space: pre-wrap;">three </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">syllables. When referring to me, I only heard three syllables. Sometimes I would hear just one and then a rushed added two. His sideways </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; white-space: pre-wrap;">glances </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">to see if I noticed were met with the smile that he always had me wearing; there was no flinch of hearing his stutter. I appreciated more that he </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; white-space: pre-wrap;">remembered </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">and added, rather than divide and let that solution stand.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After a while, his stutters became more frequent and his corrections less prevalent. The muscles that made up the corner of my mouth were <span style="font-size: large;">conditioned</span>, so they held the three point smile. But with each lost syllable, some muscle memory <span style="font-size: large;">lost </span>itself too.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">short story intro...trying to keep it fresh, yeah?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">Preferences</span>. Everyone has them. Admit it! You prefer something over something whether it is soup over salad, cookies over cookie dough (but let’s be real, just eat <span style="font-size: large;">both</span>), pants over skirts...whatever it may be, you have a <span style="font-size: large;">preference</span>. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Our society is, in general, a <span style="font-size: large;">people pleasing </span>unit. Now, there are selfish people, but I mean people pleasing in the sense that people are often too <span style="font-size: large;">apologetic</span>, especially about their preferences. We have all done it, “Sorry to interrupt,” “I apologize for being ‘that’ person, but…” <span style="font-size: large;">Why </span>are we apologizing for something we like? <span style="font-size: large;">What </span>does “that” person mean and <span style="font-size: large;">why </span>is “that” person bad? You are not living for <span style="font-size: large;">other </span>people --in the sense that it is your life--you live for <span style="font-size: large;">you</span>. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So stop apologizing for every little thing. It kind of <span style="font-size: large;">wastes </span>what an apology is. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let us define apology.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Apology: </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">OR</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">a very poor or inadequate example of</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Should we <span style="font-size: large;">regret </span>to tell someone of a preference? Or feel like a <span style="font-size: large;">failure </span>for having a preference? Or claim that our opinion is <span style="font-size: large;">inadequate</span>? No, that is not how it should work. And yet, we apologize all the time for it! We are basically <span style="font-size: large;">apologizing </span>for being <span style="font-size: large;">ourselves</span>. And I am not ok with that. Seriously. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="line-height: 1.38;">I have been told that I am too considerate…which I guess is a bad thing cause people tell that to me with this look on their face that resembles </span><span style="font-size: large; line-height: 1.38;">pity</span><span style="line-height: 22.08px;"> slash </span><span style="font-size: large; line-height: 1.38;">concern</span><span style="line-height: 1.38;">. I had always been offended by this. How is me feeling concerned for other people a bad thing? I have been realizing lately, that it is not a bad thing, but it is when that <span style="font-size: large;">overtakes </span>what I prefer. That is a big realization for me. When I look back on my life, I can name too many times when I did something because it was not what I wanted, but what another person wanted. Which is funny--tangent--because when I was in elementary school I was the most <span style="font-size: large;">bossy </span>child ever to have ruled Oak Park Elementary. I even made the <span style="font-size: large;">Tetherball Hierarchy </span>turn into a <span style="font-size: large;">Monarchy </span>because I was the <span style="font-size: large;">champion </span>and wanted a <span style="font-size: large;">queen </span>to rule forevermore. I ruled from 1st grade until 3rd, to which I only stepped down because I moved. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="line-height: 1.38;">Anyway. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is good to do what other people want, I am not saying that you should never do what other people want, if your intentions should are for good reason. There just is a <span style="font-size: large;">fine line</span>. When you let someone else <span style="font-size: large;">dictate </span>your decisions because you are being too conscientious of how <span style="font-size: large;">they </span>feel or --I daresay-- <span style="font-size: large;">apologetic </span>of your own feelings, it is not right. (there are obvious caveats here that I am aware of. of course there are exceptions, I am not pretending there are not)</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Feelings are <span style="font-size: large;">real </span>and everyone who knows me--like really knows me--knows I have a lot of them, but I <span style="font-size: large;">hate </span>to talk about them. But that does not mean they are not real! They count just the same as the person’s who is asking what I want for dinner or if I prefer the green couch in their new living room or the yellow one. They are both ugly beeteedubs.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am a </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; white-space: pre-wrap;">coward </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">when it comes for standing up for my preferences. I cannot proudly say that I am an </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; white-space: pre-wrap;">unapologetic </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">person. It is hard for me </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; white-space: pre-wrap;">say </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">what I </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; white-space: pre-wrap;">mean </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">(kudos for Michael for his </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; white-space: pre-wrap;">patience </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">and </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; white-space: pre-wrap;">willingness </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">to make me his bride) and it takes baby steps. Just the other day I was faced with having to not apologize for my preference and the person--I should say doctor--made me feel like I was an </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; white-space: pre-wrap;">idiot </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">for having these feelings. That is not ok. My preference was </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; white-space: pre-wrap;">justifiable </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">but </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; white-space: pre-wrap;">disagreeable </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">to her, yet she was making me feel bad about what I felt. As soon as I got in my car, I cried. Not a cute cry where the person </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; white-space: pre-wrap;">drips </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">a tear or two as rain softly drops on their car. It was my ugly cry that forces me to take </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: large; white-space: pre-wrap;">refuge </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">in my closet. No okay. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, here is my statement. Be <span style="font-size: large;">sincere </span>about your apologies. Meaning, only give them when you are sorry or else any apology you want to be sincere is now <span style="font-size: large;">void </span>and <span style="font-size: large;">meaningless</span>. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And <span style="font-size: large;">say what you want</span>. This life is yours and it is silly to not do with it what you want. Unless it is murder. Then that is not silly; rather, it is very serious. Go see a <span style="font-size: large;">psychiatrist</span>. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here is my list of unapologetic things: </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know that Christ is the <span style="font-size: x-large;">Savior </span>of the world</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I <span style="font-size: large;">love </span>Michael</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My family will always be my top <span style="font-size: large;">priority </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I enjoy eating medium rare <span style="font-size: large;">steaks</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No, I <span style="font-size: large;">do not want</span> to go out tonight. I do not want to be social</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">Marriage </span>is between a man and a woman. Anything else is cannot be defined as marriage </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Silence is sometimes the only way I know how to <span style="font-size: large;">respond</span>; it does not mean I am not thinking. It is actually quite the opposite. It also does not mean I am mad</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Steamed carrots and ketchup is quite <span style="font-size: large;">delicious </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I can eat anything, but I <span style="font-size: large;">prefer </span>if something is prepared the way I want it to be</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;">Dragons </span>were real at some point in history. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So there are a few things. Obvi there are more, but totes cannot think of any more right now. <span style="font-size: large;">Life </span>is too short to not be what you <span style="font-size: large;">want </span>it to be, but <span style="font-size: large;">you </span>have to make it that way. </span></div>
Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-31979125552168358662016-02-07T17:09:00.001-08:002016-02-07T18:33:36.547-08:00#onedayremember how I overused #<span style="font-size: large;">oneday </span>in really cheesy ways that were meant to <span style="font-size: large;">inspire </span>and <span style="font-size: large;">uplift</span>? well guess what?<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strike>#oneday </strike> #june11</span></div>
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obviously there is a lot, and I mean a lot, that you, my many dedicated followers, have missed out on. don't you worry your pretty little mind, I am going to update you! Cue the bullet points! (aka timeline)<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">May (the meeting)</span><br />
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<li>22-25 - remember how I went to Havasupai? yeah me too! It was sweet. remember how I shared a tent with two rando guys? Me too....vividly. remember how one of those men asked me out on a date? <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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if you look in the corner, you can see him</div>
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</ul>
<ul>
<li>29 - first date. his <span style="font-size: large;">work schedule</span> straight up <span style="font-size: large;">sucked</span>. basically, he worked until 11 every night. not much time for night dates, yeah? nonetheless, we went out a night he got of earlier. he came up to my apartment and I was <span style="font-size: large;">nervous</span>. I mean, sure I had slept (said loosely) with this kid, but I didn't really know him. so we just talked a little and then we decided we should go do something. so I said, well why don't we go on a walk up Rock Canyon? I mean we both like to hike...and that is how we met...so...and it was agreed. we hiked up to a cool little cave, I got winded, so I was trying to take silent, but huge breaths because this kid basically wasn't breathing. not kidding. he was a track star in high school and ran for a university. so yeah, he wasn't really breathing. we talked for an hour and it was a <span style="font-size: large;">beautiful </span>night. then we went to his car and let me tell you, we talked some more. I think we stayed up until like 2 in the morning just <span style="font-size: large;">talking</span>. </li>
</ul>
<div>
June (twists and turns and more turns)</div>
<div>
this is where the story gets weird. but every relationship has weird stuff and it is me. so what would you expect? so we text and snapchat after our first date and its all fine. in my head, I just wanted to hang out with this kid because I was interested, but he was always working. it made me <span style="font-size: large;">furious</span>! so I would snapchat things to make him not jealous, per-say, but stuff to make him a little mad that he is <span style="font-size: large;">missing </span>out. the other guy who was in the tent is his best friend and I was friends with him, so I would hang out with his best friend. basically I was a <span style="font-size: large;">butthead</span>. </div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>1 - so we find a time after he gets off work to go walk to a park. now, I was interested in this kid, but I was not interested in the physical stuff yet. I was still seeing how interested I was. needless to say, I was on edge. I did not want to <span style="font-size: large;">lead </span>him on (like the Merman did me) and I did not want to take things to <span style="font-size: large;">physical </span>(like Mr. Popper) before I knew if I liked him. so this date was awkward. he felt it. I felt it. the mosquitoes felt it (that is why they bit us 12938478 times) weird date on both ends, but not weird enough where I was out. </li>
<ul>
<li>he def thought I was not interested</li>
</ul>
<li>5 - with his best friend, Housty, we went to these cool caves. just the three of us having a good time exploring. all was well. then we were gonna play halo afterwards, all three of us. but then, Housty decided he was tired...or he was trying to <span style="font-size: large;">wingman</span>, I still do not have a straight story. but then it was just Michael and I. I did mention his name right? well...it is Michael. so we traveled to his parents house (he was living there for the summer) to play halo. it was late and I was tired, but I did not know the next time I would see him and I hadn't played halo in a while and I really wanted to play. again, I was on <span style="font-size: large;">guard </span>because of all the park reasons. but I did not find this night awkward, but later Michael told me he had not idea what I was doing. </li>
<li>8 - I decided I <span style="font-size: large;">liked </span>Michael enough to kiss him. so I made it as <span style="font-size: large;">obvious </span>as possible. it was late and I asked if he wanted to watch a movie. so we went to his parents house again late. we chose mission impossible: ghost protocol. I did not care to watch the movie. the whole time I was just trying to <span style="font-size: large;">figure out </span>why he was not making a move. towards the end of the movie, I laughed and leaned forward and he put his arm behind me. I was still laughing though, so I did not sit back right away. he retracted it. darn. so I fake laughed, I am such an actress, and leaned forward again. he took the bait and left his arm there. I shot back, almost breaking his arm. not really, but that sounds more dramatic. then we cuddled for the last <span style="font-size: large;">five minutes</span> of the movie. no joke. it was literally the last five minutes. he was asleep most of the movie beeteedubs. then I just could not take it anymore. I decided to be forward and look up at him. <span style="font-size: large;">mission accomplished</span>. </li>
<li>10 - I had a dream of best friends dating best friends. so I made Michael ask Housty to ask Sarah on a double date. we went to the cave thing that we did the same night as the halo debacle. </li>
<ul>
<li>best friends dating best friends did not work out.</li>
</ul>
<li>15 - this is where I <span style="font-size: large;">freaked </span>out. I knew I liked Michael. But he asked me to go to a movie with his entire family. I will, actually, Michael will be the first to admit that I freaked out. I mean, someone get on my side. it was with his whole family....that is a lot right? I thought so. So I told him <span style="font-size: large;">no</span>. But then I realized that is was just a movie, I would not really have to meet them yet. So I said <span style="font-size: large;">yes</span>. but then I said <span style="font-size: large;">no</span>. and then ten minutes before the movie started, I said <span style="font-size: large;">yes</span>. he did not have his phone, so I actually did not go. I just looked liked a <span style="font-size: large;">fool</span>.</li>
</ul>
<div>
the rest of June just consisted of us hanging out and just having fun. we hiked and just spent every second of the day possible together. oh and me accepting a job in Arizona, while he was committed to an internship in Utah. </div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
July (the real fun)</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>2-3 - so I got a <span style="font-size: large;">boil</span>. if you do not know what that is or have never had one, neither had I. I had no idea what was going on with my face. but a huge thing started to boil (i see what they did there) up on my chin. I looked <span style="font-size: large;">crazy</span>. I felt <span style="font-size: large;">gross</span>. and Michael still liked me. that is when I knew he was special. he liked me through a boil. anyway. Michael, me, his friends, my friends and <span style="font-size: large;">my boil</span> went camping at Payson lakes. gorg. great time. I remember walking with him around the border of the lake, hand in hand, thinking that this was pleasant. ok. that sounds lame...but it was <span style="font-size: large;">comfortable</span>. he made me feel <span style="font-size: large;">comfortable</span>. which is huge for me. it is had for me to feel <span style="font-size: large;">comfortable </span>in front of someone I care about. this guy was <span style="font-size: large;">different</span>. </li>
<ul><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijo90oc94V9gsTEPOpaRI9NucKGKgPjIzkwOtL8d1bNG63s4gAmSa8631FIHYXXtfqxSIflLvbeEAiXyBtoLjOnWHBT2jc52_kEymGyysuig-Uf7zrtnsiQsWTYEdwM0Od-YjoJUe8PU4/s1600/IMAG1412.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijo90oc94V9gsTEPOpaRI9NucKGKgPjIzkwOtL8d1bNG63s4gAmSa8631FIHYXXtfqxSIflLvbeEAiXyBtoLjOnWHBT2jc52_kEymGyysuig-Uf7zrtnsiQsWTYEdwM0Od-YjoJUe8PU4/s320/IMAG1412.jpg" width="181" /></a>
<li>I cannot stress enough how gross the boil was. I had never had one before or one since (fingers crossed)</li>
</ul>
<li>4 - we went to the stadium of fire with his family (i met them!...well before that). Journey was the main act and Michael loves Journey. like loves them. as I was watching him sing and dance along to Journey, I remember looking at him and thinking that this guy was <span style="font-size: large;">different</span>. this is where I think I started to fall in l-o-l-o-l-o-l-o-v-e.</li>
<li>15 - or as I like to call it, D-Day. I was moving to AZ at the end of the month and he was staying in Utah. were we going to long distance it? today was the day we talked about that. I knew I wanted to try it because he knew my eye color. right when he was asked, he said it. we decided to just keep dating because it was going good, why stop it now? which, let me tell, was <span style="font-size: large;">terrifying</span>. that meant the possibility of getting <span style="font-size: large;">hurt</span>. I hate that. but, this guy was <span style="font-size: large;">different</span>.</li>
<li>18 - I asked him if he was my bf. totes.</li>
<li>20-22 - we went to Moab to rappel. Michael loves to rappel. I could take it or leave it. I really just hate harnesses. they make everyone's butt's look weird. ever heard of a <span style="font-size: large;">quadbutt</span>? obvi that was the joke of the trip. oh, Michael got 123984 bug bites. </li>
<li>24 - it was time for me to move to AZ. I was stopping home first and I asked Michael if he wanted to come down for a couple of days and meet my family. big step, huh? guess what. he <span style="font-size: large;">hesitated </span>too! I am not the only one! HA! on the morn of me leaving, I went to say goodbye to his family. I said bye, gave him a hug and he said, "be safe driving home....<span style="font-size: large;">with me</span>" I punched him. he still got in the car. we were both terrified, but we drove home. it was a looooong drive. also, Michael <span style="font-size: large;">farted</span>. </li>
<li>25 - it was a short trip with my family, but one night Michael and I were really tired. he more so. and he let slip, "I think I'm going to <span style="font-size: large;">marry </span>you"</li>
</ul>
August (the beginning of long distance relationship....yippee)</div>
<div>
these are going to be brief, because there could be so much packed into this, but these are the highlights. These are moments that made me realize this relationship was something different. this guy was <span style="font-size: large;">different</span>. </div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>2 - "what if the next time you see me, I gained 25 pounds?" "Honestly, at this point it wouldn't matter because I like you <span style="font-size: large;">too </span>much"</li>
<li>6-8 - visited at Sand Hollow. we brought each other small gifts. I gave him a picture of me to put on his desk (havasupai waterfall) and he gave me a book mark that said ,"to the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world," I am a sucker for quotes. this guy was <span style="font-size: large;">different</span>. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</li>
<li>14 - "I hope you come to a point where you see you<span style="font-size: large;"> how I see you</span>"</li>
</ul>
September</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>4 - went to the wrong airport to pick up Michael</li>
<li>7 - "I'm terrified. I love you" "<span style="font-size: large;">I know</span>" (best girlfriend to quote star wars at him -he loves loves loves loves star wars) "I love you"</li>
<li>19 - "I won the lottery" "I am just waiting for you to realize how amazing you are and seeing that other people think that too. Hoping you'll stay with me"</li>
<li>23 - <span style="font-size: large;">temple confirmed</span> that he was the one for me</li>
<li>25 - trip to vegas, where slim pants were victorious! </li>
</ul>
October </div>
<div>
<ul><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh-nCQljh1O7HfmKh4pHXrMq5K2npHVjhbxcZyS4b3C3ClZ5mTib77nP_egjl-T1C5_Ff6beHylMr9NKW7Azw4WqG0SYGcK0J6xcqkZVDXofxboTs46LFkcKU-a8QSgN-7OzAeBoLFSSQ/s1600/FB_IMG_1439239950105.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh-nCQljh1O7HfmKh4pHXrMq5K2npHVjhbxcZyS4b3C3ClZ5mTib77nP_egjl-T1C5_Ff6beHylMr9NKW7Azw4WqG0SYGcK0J6xcqkZVDXofxboTs46LFkcKU-a8QSgN-7OzAeBoLFSSQ/s320/FB_IMG_1439239950105.jpg" width="320" /></a>
<li>9 - surprised him by coming a day early for a visit</li>
<li>15 - kanaraville falls. the car ride there, I knew he was the man for me. we had a who-could-make-a-weirder-noise contest for about a half hour. bless our passengers. </li>
<li>18 - before I left to go back to AZ. "I got you something and I am nervous to give it to you" "should I be nervous" (cause I was) "no. but since I can't be engaged with you yet..." he bought me an infinity necklace. I wear <span style="font-size: large;">every day</span>. </li>
</ul>
<div>
November</div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>endured 5.5 weeks of not seeing each other. it was a rough 5.5 weeks. but then we had thanksgiving together. luckily, my family was going to utah so I got to see him and my family. he also got to play with my nephews and nieces. i needed to see him with kiddos. and he excelled. </li>
</ul>
<div>
December</div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>21 - hale center theater. A Christmas Carol. in front of my whole family. <span style="font-size: x-large;">perfect</span>. </li>
</ul>
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<div>
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<br />
and so here we are now. waiting until we can reunite in June. I guess #<span style="font-size: large;">oneday </span>still applies...cause I still have to wait.<br />
<br />
But here is what I know.<br />
<br />
I <span style="font-size: large;">love </span>this man. He makes me feel more <span style="font-size: large;">comfortable </span>than anything I have ever experienced. He makes me <span style="font-size: large;">laugh</span>. He <span style="font-size: large;">comforts </span>me. He makes me feel <span style="font-size: large;">beautiful </span>even when I feel gross. He is my <span style="font-size: large;">best friend</span>, my <span style="font-size: large;">confidant</span>. I can tell him literally everything and I do. Even if it is kinda gross.<span style="font-size: large;"> Nothing is off limits</span>. He shows how much he cares for me through his <span style="font-size: large;">actions </span>and his <span style="font-size: large;">words</span>. I always know he loves me even if he is annoyed with me. I am so <span style="font-size: large;">lucky </span>to call him mine on June 11 and then for <span style="font-size: x-large;">eternity</span>.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">#oneday #june11 #babewait</span><br />
<br />Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-44814665032390841092015-05-31T18:25:00.003-07:002015-05-31T18:25:58.275-07:00havaSUPaiI can say that I am a person who just <span style="font-size: large;">does</span> things. If I want to do something, I will do it. Like that time I wanted to see The Lego Movie and no one else did. So. I <span style="font-size: large;">just</span> saw it. By <span style="font-size: large;">myself</span>. In an empty theater. Well, it was empty until a black guy showed up and sat two seats away from me. I mean out of all the empty seats in the theater, he chose the one almost in the nearest proximity to me. Then he left halfway through the movie. I guess everything wasn't awesome for him...Or there was this other time where I just went on a hike. I met an old man named <span style="font-size: large;">Dan</span> and we hiked for three hours together. It was a <span style="font-size: large;">delight</span>. Everyone just told me it was sketchy, but man did I love Dan...Point being. I do things. <br />
<br />
So this last weekend, I did something. I hiked to <span style="font-size: large;">Havasupai Falls</span> in Arizona. Now, let me preface this by saying that I have <span style="font-size: large;">never</span> backpacked before, camped without my dad or have hiked more than 7 miles. I am proud to say that I did all of those things and then some.This hike was sponsored by a guy who just creates these adventures and invites people. This was a group of around 50. I knew one person who was going. I wasn't convinced to go, but then two weeks before the trip, I remembered my Grandma Faun saying how I <span style="font-size: large;">should</span> go because I am young and will never have this opportunity to do something like this ever again. She is right. I am so grateful for her advice. Honestly, old people know what's up. Let's break it down. <br />
<ul>
<li>I backpacked for the <span style="font-size: large;">first</span> time in my life. I had to pack my bag. I had to figure out how I was going to feed myself. I had to figure out how to cook the food I prepared. I had to carry it all on my back. I had to hike with it on my back for <span style="font-size: large;">ten</span> miles. Luckily, I have friends from whom I could borrow a backpack and a tent. ***notice how I did not say sleeping bag. this will be talked about later***</li>
<li>Out of the fifty people going, I knew <span style="font-size: large;">one</span> person. One. And I basically did not even see her the entire trip. </li>
<li>It <span style="font-size: large;">rained. every. single. day.</span> turns out, my tent is not waterproof. It is water resistant, but not proof. So I was very excited when I was setting up my tent and proud that I accomplished something. Then it started raining and I was soon sitting in a puddle. I was laughing at the people getting drenched and then I was humbled, slowly as it seeped all around me.</li>
<li>I <span style="font-size: large;">stole</span> a tent. Well, not really, but really. People leave stuff behind at the campground all the time. So I took what someone left behind. A <span style="font-size: large;">tender mercy</span>. It was a three person tent. So I asked the rain soaked boys that I just met if they wanted to share the tent with me. They obliged. (obvi. they would be sharing a tent with me. like, who wouldn't?)</li>
<li>I did not bring a sleeping bag. Every site I saw when researching this trip told me I did not need to bring a sleeping bag because it would be so hot, I could just layer up my clothes. <span style="font-size: large;">WRONG</span>. <span style="font-size: large;">WRONG</span>. <span style="font-size: large;">WRONG</span>. Wrong in your weeny. Well, for the first two nights. It was freezing and I was cold. Luckily, I shared a tent with two guys and their body heat helped it be warmer in the tent. No, I did not have to snuggle with either of them for warmth. Thanks for asking. But one of them did have a space blanket that, as the moon is my witness, it kept me remarkably warm--er. Warmer than if I did not have it. </li>
<ul>
<li>fun fact. one of these boys asked me out and we have been talking. I'm a charmer...even in my sleep.</li>
</ul>
<li>I hiked out ten miles. Now, that is not a very far distance. The hike in was ten miles downhill. So that meant the hike out was ten miles up hill. I felt that uphill at around mile 5.7. And then I felt it even more every step in the last two miles. The last two miles is a steep uphill with a <span style="font-size: large;">ton</span> of switchbacks. I mean, you literally have to climb out of the Grand Canyon. You are traversing a canyon wall, of course it is going to be steep. But I did it. I could have helicoptered out, and you better believe I thought about it. I could have rode a horse or even had my pack carried by a mule. But no. <span style="font-size: large;">I did it</span>. I was a <span style="font-size: large;">She-hulk</span>. A <span style="font-size: large;">She-wolf.</span> Easily the hardest thing I have ever done physically. </li>
</ul>
Those were the struggles of the trip. But it was all worth it. Seriously. I have weighed it in my head. The pros and cons. They came close, but it was worth it. A <span style="font-size: large;">strange</span> experience, but an <span style="font-size: large;">adventure</span>. <br />
<ul>
<li>The waterfalls were AMAZING. I felt like I was in Hawaii, but I was in the bottom of the Grand Canyon in the middle of the <span style="font-size: large;">desert</span>. I can only describe how cool it was by my pictures. So please, take my word for it through my pictures. </li>
</ul>
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my tent, preflood</div>
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'Murica</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi01RFuUlsUpLbKy3o_fQCLdC8V0I1hyphenhyphenRG2J-sIVfwmLRJlan-o1eXnT_42d7HLTYviRnRl3HzYVL-BDqRgxc5PnnZYmQNqh1Z8Mtyb1NCUPCNcT9t6Xms294Q1S2OV9gC1eChsbgkcOYY/s1600/IMAG1299.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi01RFuUlsUpLbKy3o_fQCLdC8V0I1hyphenhyphenRG2J-sIVfwmLRJlan-o1eXnT_42d7HLTYviRnRl3HzYVL-BDqRgxc5PnnZYmQNqh1Z8Mtyb1NCUPCNcT9t6Xms294Q1S2OV9gC1eChsbgkcOYY/s320/IMAG1299.jpg" width="181" /></a></div>
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my favorite hike down to the following waterfall</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbVdFPclbWC4nUrUFjSUll26LUdkfIXyELwwGHef6HD5bMAcTJ1ve3l5tKU4h0b6KNx4UXB_UdWjOQKu5xKtl7Q_CpIf3x08dLAJ3apOPlIXB17qZHEnw_ChWTHibts7vkOYURFfdxGAM/s1600/IMAG1306.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbVdFPclbWC4nUrUFjSUll26LUdkfIXyELwwGHef6HD5bMAcTJ1ve3l5tKU4h0b6KNx4UXB_UdWjOQKu5xKtl7Q_CpIf3x08dLAJ3apOPlIXB17qZHEnw_ChWTHibts7vkOYURFfdxGAM/s320/IMAG1306.jpg" width="181" /></a></div>
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nameste</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXVpaqf3QOu_YstBtOKpx1e3JADvKYm3YgSJ9-R2ucxdRECKgRWqBeaEr6-vCpA5cVbL5DbOYR4SYnr-hpY_6yqJGQOA377SgqAf82ulChtQGeJ4rKD8rwtQOWpZGDarPA5HIoV9vYmdU/s1600/IMAG1318.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXVpaqf3QOu_YstBtOKpx1e3JADvKYm3YgSJ9-R2ucxdRECKgRWqBeaEr6-vCpA5cVbL5DbOYR4SYnr-hpY_6yqJGQOA377SgqAf82ulChtQGeJ4rKD8rwtQOWpZGDarPA5HIoV9vYmdU/s320/IMAG1318.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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can you see me?</div>
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the most beautiful place I have ever eaten a pb&j</div>
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I work every runway</div>
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the cool climb, remember?</div>
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we're following the leader...</div>
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*not hawaii</div>
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everything the light touches will be yours...so nothing. cause it rained all weekend. But this is the top of the canyon before we climbed down.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGUy3Rn04yQdNgZSv5Idx1dND4wRrMa1goZA0jgjeF4qU8YgyOKa4_QCCLRZYzggPYxDIuSKzPnrSbjlhkVSG4kxdBTY4SFTSKkJRgVE05UR8Om8cgDj3NrRsMfzA23U9YnsxvLm_h6hg/s1600/11351276_10153430642075649_3769480024805133572_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGUy3Rn04yQdNgZSv5Idx1dND4wRrMa1goZA0jgjeF4qU8YgyOKa4_QCCLRZYzggPYxDIuSKzPnrSbjlhkVSG4kxdBTY4SFTSKkJRgVE05UR8Om8cgDj3NrRsMfzA23U9YnsxvLm_h6hg/s320/11351276_10153430642075649_3769480024805133572_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I mean, I wasn't lying was I?</div>
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You plan your trip, save a spot for me!<br />
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xoxo GGKimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-56184227138120002802015-05-27T18:29:00.000-07:002015-05-31T18:30:21.654-07:00chapter closedFor my posterity, do not drag something on longer than it needs to be. When you read this post, talk to me and I will tell you the story. It is not something for me to put online. Mainly because I am just moving on from it and not looking back. <br />
<br />
Ask me what happened on the eve of my 24 birthday and how I entered my 24 year. <br />
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Hint hint...I entered it, leaving the baggage at the door of 23. Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-75347206022182103932015-05-13T11:35:00.000-07:002015-05-13T11:35:06.374-07:00oh deer!So a few weeks ago I want on a 24 hour scavenger hunt type thing. We went all over <span style="font-size: large;">Salt Lake City</span> down through <span style="font-size: large;">Provo</span> and on to <span style="font-size: large;">Moab</span> and a little further. Well, at around <span style="font-size: large;">three thirty</span> in the AM, my teammate an I were in the front seat of the van. We had been in the race around ten hours going nonstop. <br />
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We were <span style="font-size: large;">tired</span> and everyone else in the car was sleeping. I was in the passenger seat and Tyler was driving. He had had a couple redbulls or monsters, some sort of caffeine. Basically, he was pretty wired. I was pretty tired. We were in the middle of nowhere heading to <span style="font-size: large;">Hanksville</span>, Utah. Tyler saw that I was tired and told me it was alright if I wanted to take a little nap. Thinking it would be better for the later on if I took a little snoozer, I tried to get comfy. I was tired, but I couldn't sleep because I was not comfy. I also felt like I should not sleep. After about five minutes of not getting comfy and feeling like I needed to be awake, I <span style="font-size: large;">opened</span> my eyes and decided not to sleep. <br />
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A few minutes later, I saw a <span style="font-size: large;">shadow</span> on the side of the road. It was moving. We were barreling down this deserted highway at like 75 mph, if not faster. I started saying, calmly, "<span style="font-size: large;">oh my gosh</span>." Just then Tyler saw the same thing, but a little different. He saw the <span style="font-size: large;">shadow</span> that was following the shadow I saw. There were two deer! Tyler, very calmly, just slowly went between the two deer. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We. Went. Between. The. Two. Deer.</span> <br />
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The deer on my side of the road was so close, I could have rolled down my window and kissed its nose, which I would have wanted to do had I been thinking more quickly. After that, the entire car was wide awake. <br />
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It was a <span style="font-size: large;">miracle</span>. <br />
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"<span style="font-size: large;">Make that of it what you will</span>" (Peace Like a River by Leif Enger).<br />
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btw...everyone should read this book. it is fantastic. Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-50085636919710585942015-03-06T11:33:00.001-08:002015-03-06T11:36:23.292-08:00a momentSo I got my nephew a book for Christmas. The book is called, "<span style="font-size: large;">Mustache Baby</span>." Basically. This baby has a mustache and it's hilarious. Anyway. He opened it on Christmas and because it was just a book, he put it to the side, obviously not as excited as he was for other gifts. <br />
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It kinda <span style="font-size: large;">bothered</span> me. But, hey, he is four. What is he supposed to do? <br />
<br />
Fast forward to right now. I saw him for the first time since Christmas. After about an hour of us playing together, he goes, "Kimmy. You know that book you got me for Christmas? I <span style="font-size: large;">love</span> it. It is so <span style="font-size: large;">funny</span>. We read it <span style="font-size: large;">every</span> night."<br />
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Then he <span style="font-size: large;">giggled</span>. He had the biggest <span style="font-size: x-large;">smile</span> on his face. <br />
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That is a <span style="font-size: large;">tender</span> mercy of the Lord. A <span style="font-size: large;">miracle</span>. A pat of the back. A <span style="font-size: large;">moment</span>.<br />
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In a <span style="font-size: large;">moment</span>, everything can change. A day can go from great to bad. Weather can shift from stormy to sunny. The cookies in the oven can go from doughy to burnt. <br />
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Life is full of <span style="font-size: large;">moments</span>, good and bad and stuff in between. We remember the <span style="font-size: large;">moments</span>. <br />
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Sure, it would be great if life were only full of good <span style="font-size: large;">moments</span>, but then how would we know if we actually had a good <span style="font-size: large;">moment</span> if we have never had a bad one or the stuff in between. <br />
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"If life were only [good] moments, then you'd never know you had one" (Into the Woods).<br />
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And we can't only live in the <span style="font-size: large;">moments</span>, you need to let the <span style="font-size: large;">moments</span> <span style="font-size: large;">go</span>. They are not meant to be lived in forever. A star athlete in high school can't live in the glory days forever.<br />
<br />
"Don't forget it for a moment though."<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Memories</span> are there, ready to be replayed in our minds. These intangible moments will be with us forever. Reflecting back on the <span style="font-size: large;">moments</span> is ok as long as we don't miss the next one coming. <br />
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My nephew will move on to new books, toys, activities, but I will savor this <span style="font-size: large;">moment</span> in my mind when I brought him joy. I will <span style="font-size: large;">grow</span> with him and try to find a new way that we can have another <span style="font-size: large;">moment</span> together. Another <span style="font-size: large;">memory</span>. <br />
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Look for the next <span style="font-size: large;">moment</span> to come because sometimes you are too long in one <span style="font-size: large;">moment</span> to realize that your next <span style="font-size: large;">moment</span> has already begun. <br />
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It's funny, eh?</div>
Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-21490039423032548142015-02-22T20:55:00.000-08:002015-02-22T20:55:10.805-08:00glass in the airYou know how when you are holding a casserole dish, or a wine glass (in my case a sparkling cider glass), or a mug or anything glass. Fragile. And then you trip. The glassware slips out of your hand and for a moment you are suspended in time. Waiting. The glass twinkles in the light. You are stranded in motion, waiting for the consequence. Will the glass shatter? You think of your surroundings. Tile or wood or carpet or vinyl? Five foot drop. Four feet? Is there an attempt to catch it? Or would you simply just hit the glass more and further secure its demise. <br />
<br />
All you can do is wait. Wait for the silence to end with a shatter or a thud. Either way, you dropped the glassware. Whatever outcome comes, comes because you slipped. Comes because you thought you could hold on to five things at once. Popcorn in one hand. Glassware in another. Your teeth securing a Kit Kat bar. King size. A soda balanced in your armpit and a blanket draped over your head, dragging on the ground. <br />
<br />
And this moment of suspension, this moment where your life either goes from an accident to a rough landing or an accident to a shattered attempt at stability, is never ending. <br />
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You are stuck until gravity takes hold, ripping you slowly. Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-2841835431108251252015-02-01T17:10:00.003-08:002015-02-01T17:10:32.801-08:00time...<span style="font-size: large;">Time</span> is a subject that when I think about it a lot...it <span style="font-size: large;">hurts</span> my head. To preface this, I believe in and eternal God and to Him, time is not a factor. Think about that. Time not mattering. It is a thought that just makes smoke come out of my ears because my brain blew a circuit. So when I think about our Earth life, our time to be tested, this time truly <span style="font-size: large;">counts</span>. Since I believe in eternal life, a life that has no regard for time, this instance is my only timed time. Bear with me...if I can bear with myself. <br />
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So if this time we have on Earth is the only time that matters, why are we <span style="font-size: large;">wasting</span> it? I have been thinking about this a lot in the last few weeks as I started as a student teacher, which is going alright beeteedubs. Half of my day is spent at school, 7:30-3:00. That is time that I give for my students, my future job. But when I get home, that is my time. So what have <span style="font-size: large;">I</span> been doing? <br />
<br />
3:15-3:30 - get home<br />
3:15-4:00 ish - eat a bowl of <span style="font-size: large;">cereal</span> while watching a tv show<br />
4:00 -5:00- workout<br />
5:00- 9:30ish maybe watch a show while I make dinner, shower, see friends.<br />
9:30ish-10:00ish - read scriptures and get ready for bed<br />
10:30 (hopefully) - go to bed<br />
<br />
That is my life and I think it is pretty good. Some days I am better at keeping to this than others. Add in the occasional trip to the grocery store. But I have realized that as I have a <span style="font-size: large;">busier</span> schedule, the <span style="font-size: large;">priorities</span> of what I want in my day changed. I don't have time to watch tv for hours. I don't have the energy to stay up super late and get up as early as I do. I have to choose what is important. <br />
<br />
The steady thing that has been an <span style="font-size: large;">importance</span> in my day is working out. This may seem crazy to some people because by 4 I am already wanted to go to bed or just sit. But I have found that my night is far more productive when I workout. Working out is like taking a nap. I do not care that it is obsessive of me to have to workout every day. It is something that I need and I believe that that's a good thing. It's not like I am doing drugs or whatever. And yes, working out doesn't make me stick thing, but that's not why I do it. I do it because I want to live <span style="font-size: large;">longer</span>. I want to be a good example for my nieces and nephews. I want to be able to be as <span style="font-size: large;">hardcore</span> as my dad and mom when I am their age. I want an active lifestyle. And I am <span style="font-size: large;">willing</span> to <span style="font-size: large;">work</span> for it. <br />
<br />
Okay. This wasn't meant to be a workout post. But...you all know how I am on tangents...I believe that my students are catching on to that as well. <br />
<br />
The point I am trying to make is make time for what you find <span style="font-size: large;">important</span>. What I find important and what you find important are going to be different. And that is just fine. As long as you are not <span style="font-size: large;">wasting</span> your time. I am still working on trying to be better with my time, it is pretty difficult. It is so easy to just sit and watch show after show, but my time is limited. Your time is limited. And if we are judged for our time here on Earth, we cannot afford to waste it. Our limited time is judged with what we make of it. <br />
<br />
This also goes with whom I <span style="font-size: large;">spend</span> my time with. I do not want to spend time with people who are not, this sounds harsh, important to me. I am at the point in my life where I do not have to do things I do not want to, for the most part. So I will <span style="font-size: large;">chose</span> what I want to do. The only <span style="font-size: large;">exception</span> of this is when it comes to church things. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, there is a lot going on at different times of the week, including and especially Sunday. I am <span style="font-size: large;">willing</span> to give my time up for the church, <span style="font-size: large;">for</span> my God. In those cases, it is up to me to change my <span style="font-size: large;">attitude</span>. <br />
<br />
That's how this whole post about time got into my head. I was going to an activity, a Sunday dinner put on by my church, and I was walking there <span style="font-size: large;">alone</span>. It kind of made me mad that my friends and peers did not come. This event was sponsored and prepared by the people we go to church with every Sunday. The least we could do is support them for a <span style="font-size: large;">quick</span> bite to eat. It is a simple act that I do not understand why people do not support. Sure, it may take a half hour out of your schedule. Yes, the food might not be great. And of course, you might be sitting by yourself at a table. But that point is that you support. You are telling people that the <span style="font-size: large;">time</span> they spent in preparing the dinner or activity was well worth it. Maybe it is just me, but I feel that if you are able to go to an activity, you go. Change your attitude. Maybe change into your <span style="font-size: large;">big girl panties</span>. Just go. Because that time, dedicated to supporting someone who is trying to serve you, is time well spent. <br />
<br />
<br />
As I was walking, I also was thinking about my time and how much I <span style="font-size: large;">dedicate</span> it to the Lord. The answer I came up with was too little. I need to shift things around in my schedule to include Him more. I do not want a graph to come up at the end of my timed existence with social media or tv towering <span style="font-size: large;">over</span> my time spent dedicated to Him. That would be a very depressing graph. <br />
<br />
So go out there. Spend your time wisely, because you will not get this time back. Ever. Our timed test on Earth will end. And when it does. What kind of graph do you want to <span style="font-size: large;">see</span>?<br />
<br />
As my grandpa Turley says:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"> "Time flies, but remember you are the navigator."</span><br />
<br />
<br />
*I think this is the quote? may not be exact...but the meaning is the same. Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-60253755854782096152015-01-07T09:05:00.000-08:002015-01-07T09:05:03.633-08:00the conclusion...The long awaited <span style="font-size: large;">conclusion</span> to Mr. Popper's story is finally here. Sort of. It has been a while since it all happened, so I only have some basics. Let's throwback to old blog post structure: <span style="font-size: large;">bullet</span> <span style="font-size: large;">points</span>!<br />
<br />
but before that. here is some background info. we kissed. on a <span style="font-size: large;">Saturday</span>. that lasted a weekish. he told me, after a night of conoodling, that he was going to go on another date with another girl the next <span style="font-size: large;">Saturday</span>. we will call her Missy. in all fairness, I thought that would be ok. that is what dating is. <span style="font-size: large;">Saturday</span> rolls around. I was not ok. at all. I felt sick. the next day, he was being so nice. like doing my dishes, but I felt sick. so <span style="font-size: large;">Sunday</span> night, the day after his date with the other girl, a week after we first kissed, we talked. <br />
<ul>
<li>I said "I don't know how I feel"</li>
<li>he said "me neither"</li>
<li>I said "but I know I don't like you going out with other girls, but I <span style="font-size: large;">don't</span> want to be <span style="font-size: large;">exclusive</span>"</li>
<li>he said "yes. that's what we <span style="font-size: large;">agreed</span> on"</li>
<li>I said "I realize that I cannot handle thinking of you on dates with other girls. I <span style="font-size: large;">compare</span> myself to them and that is not good for me. it makes me doubt myself. but I don't feel that I like you enough to be exclusive. and well I guess that means that it the answer. if we both don't know after all the time we spent together...I think that is the answer. we should <span style="font-size: large;">stop</span>"</li>
<li>he said "is this going to affect me getting <span style="font-size: large;">invited</span> to things"</li>
<li>I kid you not. that is what he said. right after what I said.</li>
<li>being nice, I said "no, I will be fine with it"</li>
<li>he said "good. what I wanted out of this was a <span style="font-size: large;">best</span> <span style="font-size: large;">friend</span>. like someone I can talk to about stuff we talk about. could we still talk like that?"</li>
<li>ok...and with benefits?</li>
<li>I said "well, I have <span style="font-size: large;">enough</span> friends. I don't need more. I want people I can date. I do not want to <span style="font-size: large;">waste</span> my energy, time, and emotions on another friend. I cannot go that in-depth with a new friend. because I <span style="font-size: large;">cannot</span> give that much of myself away. it is already hard enough to do that in general"</li>
<li>he said "that is fair"</li>
</ul>
*that was the gist of what was said. idk exactly how it was said. <br />
<br />
and that's it. he left, taking a cookie before walking out the door. and I <span style="font-size: large;">cried</span>. I am not particularly sure why I cried. I know that I was mourning a loss. I was losing a friend. I knew I wasn't going to hang out with him anymore. but I also thought I was crying because I was proud for <span style="font-size: large;">standing</span> up for myself. I was able to learn form my experience from the Merman. I stopped something <span style="font-size: large;">before</span> it could hurt me as much as it hurt me with the Merman. and I only stopped something because it felt right. it wasn't worth it to potentially be hurt. that's also how I knew that this was the right decision. <br />
<br />
so. after that <span style="font-size: large;">Sunday</span>. we still had a Halloween party we had to go to together. it was a murder mystery and coupled theme. him and I were a couple. luckily, I was a religious zealot. so I could be snippy and weird and have an excuse to not touch him. it was actually pretty fun. Brandon was also there, so I had him to lean on. Halloween was on <span style="font-size: large;">Friday</span>. so he goes on a date with Missy, from the week before, the night before Halloween. they kissed. woo hoo. <br />
<br />
flash forward to <span style="font-size: large;">Saturday</span>. day after our Halloween extravaganza. he went on a date with another rando. and then I think Missy again...but not sure. I am not a stalker.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Sunday</span> morning. Facebook official with Missy. <br />
<br />
glad I got out and made way for their happiness. <br />
<br />
I feel like I should provide a disclaimer. I am not bitter. more so, I am happy that I did what I needed to do. he was not right for me and I him. <br />
<br />
this experience was worth it. even though it <span style="font-size: large;">sucked</span>. I learned that I can and should always voice my opinions. it is not worth questioning a situation or comparing at the cost of trying to 'go with the flow'. <span style="font-size: large;">my</span> life is just that. it is <span style="font-size: large;">mine</span>. I should not settle for anything that is less than what I desire. <br />
<br />
and I <span style="font-size: large;">won't</span>. <br />
<br />
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p.s. I think the best is how he told me he was in a relationship. before I saw it on fbook, he gave me and my friend, Erin, a ride home from church. her and I were engrossed in singing a song and out of nowhere he says, "so I have a girlfriend now." we both stopped singing and just said that's great then went straight back to singing. haha it sounds kinda rude of us...but the way he said it was just out of left field. <br />
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Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-13976607325795121102014-10-26T22:43:00.003-07:002014-10-26T22:43:49.032-07:00intentionstwo posts in one day. im cray. <br />
<br />
today I went to a conference where I got to see one of the apostles speak. Elder Ballard has never been an apostle that I was excited to hear speak at general conference. I know. that is horrible. but I cant really remember a talk of his that I really connected with. <br />
<br />
until now. he gave a talk today that just made sense to me. the entire conference was great. the speakers really hit a lot of things home for me today, regardless of the fact that the seats we sat in were the most uncomfortable seats imaginable. a few things stood out.<br />
<ul>
<li>be <span style="font-size: large;">attractive</span>. ok. this one was more of a little joke. but it was funny and stood out and I love it and it is true and because an apostle said it. </li>
<li>help men be <span style="font-size: large;">gentlemen</span>. expect them to open doors for you. don't let them come over and just eat all your food, achem Mr. Popper. </li>
<li>where are you <span style="font-size: large;">facing</span>? I should be always facing the temple. my goal is temple worthiness. </li>
</ul>
the most thought provoking statement in conference today came from a women who I have no idea who she is. but she asked, "what are you <span style="font-size: large;">intentions</span>?" that seems like a simple statement. but pair it with something you are doing right now. take, for instance, Mr. Popper. what were my intentions with him? I didn't know, so how I could I have really gone somewhere with it? or even schooling. people can ask what your major is. say you say oh its chemistry. cool. what do you hope to do with that? you say idk. what are your <span style="font-size: large;">intentions</span>?!?<br />
<br />
our Gospel strives to have us be "anxiously <span style="font-size: large;">engaged</span> in a good <span style="font-size: large;">cause</span>" (Doctrine and Covenants 58:27). it is not saying to be <span style="font-size: large;">just</span> engaged in something, but in a good cause. I assume any intention worthwhile should be good. like, your intention should not be murdering or trying to hurt someone in some capacity. there is going to be intent behind "a good cause". <br />
<br />
my goal from this conference is to find the <span style="font-size: large;">intentions</span> in the things I do. if they are "good" then I will continue striving to do that. if the intent is not good, it's out or I need to find a way to make the intention better. <br />
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p.s. I did talk to Mr. Popper. I am still digesting the info...update lates. aka later. Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-84588977277337794472014-10-26T17:36:00.001-07:002014-10-26T17:36:14.005-07:00found poetryI learned something in school today. what a delightful thing that is, right? I learned about found poetry. basically, you take phrases from other works and create a poem out of them. for instance, the one I am about to share is from my music library. I went through a lot of my songs and just made a poem. here it is. <br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">All I Want</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">All I want, long way down.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wait. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Stay with me, my moon. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When you sleep, pills n potions, strange things will
happen.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">On this night of a thousand stars,<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’d be surprisingly good for you.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the morning,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Standing in the way of light.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What am I to you?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Enough for now.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Please don’t leave me.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Falling awake,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Always in my head, recycled air.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hearts a mess. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One step at a time. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One, two step.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Save me.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ll find a way.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Waiting outside the lines.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<br />
I realized that this is how I am <span style="font-size: large;">feeling right now</span>. to me this poem says that I just need someone to <span style="font-size: large;">mask</span> my <span style="font-size: large;">loneliness</span>. and isn't that the truth. <br />
<br />
so there is a man in my life. we will call him Mr. Popper. Mr. Popper is a great guy. we have been texting and cuddling and even kissing (queue the applause), but we have been on one date. and the date was ....well a bit uncomfortable. at least for me. maybe because I just don't do well in those serious types of situations. I feel <span style="font-size: large;">weird</span> getting attention on me, like, for me. anywho. Mr. Popper and I are good at communication. before we kissed he told me that he didn't want to just kiss girls if he didn't see something more long term. I can <span style="font-size: large;">appreciate</span> that because that has been my life motto. but idk why recently that motto has changed for me. probs because my momma told me to just kiss boys. but I <span style="font-size: large;">appreciated</span> what he had said and accepted it. <br />
<br />
then he <span style="font-size: large;">kissed</span> me. now let me tell you, its been a while in that department. obvi. just read my past blog posts. it felt good. good to be <span style="font-size: large;">wanted</span>. but that is the thing. I have been struggling this week deciding if I like the feeling of being wanted or if I like the feeling of being wanted<span style="font-size: large;"> by him</span>. specifically him. or would another man do the trick?<br />
<br />
we also both expressed how we didn't now if we wanted to date each other <span style="font-size: large;">exclusively</span>. so we decided to just keep going with this and have fun while figuring things out. so we could date other people. the <span style="font-size: large;">catalyst</span> to this post, I suppose, is that fact that he told me while we were cuddling that he was going on a date the following day. <span style="font-size: large;">objectively</span>, I <span style="font-size: large;">appreciate</span> the <span style="font-size: large;">honesty</span>. truly I do. but the feeling that came after was sensation of <span style="font-size: large;">weirdness</span>. like. this is not a normal thing that I want in my life. I don't want to act like I am dating someone and hear about how they want me <span style="font-size: large;">BUT</span> still want to date other people. our theory of dating people and cuddling/kissing is great, until someone actually goes out on a date with someone else. that is just weird to me. I didn't think it would be weird until it happened. it made me think of this whole situation and why I am really in it. what is my <span style="font-size: large;">intention</span> with this kind of relationship?<br />
<br />
this is what I have come to conclude. this makes me <span style="font-size: large;">hate</span> this whole process, because he is a great guy. I do have feelings for him, just not enough. at least I don't think. and I am sitting here on the verge of tears because I feel sad for the loss I am about to experience. the loss of someone wanting me. but I also feel like it is the right thing to do. as much as it sucks. I am not here to <span style="font-size: large;">waste</span> my time or his time. <br />
<br />
I am having a hard time putting into words what I am trying to say because I don't even really know what I am trying to think. my head is a <span style="font-size: large;">fishbowl</span> and the fishes are the <span style="font-size: large;">thoughts</span>. there are like 1293847 little fishes just racing around in the fishbowl. I cant catch a thought long enough to process it or come to a conclusion of it. I feel <span style="font-size: large;">crazy</span>. <br />
<br />
my deciding factor is that if I don't know now, after a month of talking and conoodling, it is a pretty good <span style="font-size: large;">indicator</span> of how I actually feel. <br />
<br />
I want to be wanted by someone who <span style="font-size: large;">wants</span> <span style="font-size: large;">me</span>, not someone who wants me.... and any other girl he fancies. <br />
<br />
so with this conclusion, I now have the delight of attempting to <span style="font-size: large;">communicate</span> something I don't even understand myself. I am going with my <span style="font-size: large;">gut</span>. <br />
<br />
life is just so <span style="font-size: large;">incredibly strange</span>. wish me luck.<br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
kk<br />
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Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-8435729763666823512014-09-11T18:40:00.002-07:002014-09-11T18:49:39.350-07:00extra-ordinary<span style="font-size: large;">extraordinary</span> is rather a <span style="font-size: large;">remarkable</span> word. let us dissect it, yeah?<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">extra</span>:<br />
adjective - added to an existing or usual amount or number.<br />
adverb - to a greater extent than usual; especially.<br />
noun - an item in addition to what is usual or strictly necessary.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">ordinary</span>:<br />
adjective - with no special or distinctive features; normal.<br />
noun - what is commonplace or standard.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">extraordinary</span>:<br />
adjective - <br />
<div data-dobid="dfn" style="display: inline;">
very unusual or remarkable.</div>
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<div data-dobid="dfn" style="display: inline;">
</div>
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<div data-dobid="dfn" style="display: inline;">
my definition: </div>
<br />
<div data-dobid="dfn" style="display: inline;">
pronoun - <span style="font-size: x-large;">me</span>. </div>
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<div data-dobid="dfn" style="display: inline;">
</div>
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<div data-dobid="dfn" style="display: inline;">
everyone is their own kind of <span style="font-size: large;">special</span>. and everyone needs to find out for themselves what makes them <span style="font-size: large;">remarkable</span>. </div>
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<div data-dobid="dfn" style="display: inline;">
</div>
<br />
<div data-dobid="dfn" style="display: inline;">
it has taken me a some <span style="font-size: large;">twenty</span> years to realize that I am <span style="font-size: large;">extraordinary</span>. I don't mean this to come off as bragging or proudly, but more in the sense that I have a sense of <span style="font-size: large;">who I am</span>. and I am <span style="font-size: large;">extraordinary</span>. I have been trying to understand why I have been in a rut of a head game lately. the catalyst was when the merman told me he didn't want me. I wasn't mad at him; per say, I was mad of how I let myself feel and be affected by the rejection. <span style="font-size: large;">rejection</span> <span style="font-size: large;">sucks</span>. but it does not define who I am as a person. that night, through tears, I let someone else define me as a person. another person made me <span style="font-size: large;">let</span> myself feel like I was not of any <span style="font-size: large;">worth</span>. not his fault. I know I keep reiterating he is not at fault, but I don't want to degrade someone for being honest after I asked for honesty. I am mad at the answer, not the person. I truly hold no grudges.</div>
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<div data-dobid="dfn" style="display: inline;">
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back to me. cause honestly, that's the best topic. <span style="font-size: large;">#sohumble</span>. </div>
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I am <span style="font-size: large;">extraordinary</span>. I don't need someone to confirm or deny my <span style="font-size: large;">extraordinariness</span>, because I already know I am. <span style="font-size: large;">extraordinary</span>. </div>
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a problem with our world is that people, especially young people, are letting <span style="font-size: large;">others define</span> who they are based on menial things. I am all about people being themselves (caveat: i believe people are inherently good. so if be themselves is something good, i support that). with everyone's own insecurities and doubts who are we to judge other people for their lives? it seems that people focus on others so they don't need to deal with their own shortcomings or struggles. it is always easier to point out someone else's flaws to hide your own. that's called <span style="font-size: large;">insecurity</span>. trust me. I know that one. and watching someone bully someone else is the easiest way to know they are struggling with something in their own life, whether they know it or not. </div>
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so how do we <span style="font-size: large;">fix</span> it?</div>
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it <span style="font-size: large;">starts</span> with yourself. I generally do not condone selfishness, but in the case of bettering yourself I wholeheartedly support being selfish (caveat: as long as it does not impede your other responsibilities). I know that when I take care of myself I am in better shape to help others. I can't <span style="font-size: large;">help</span> someone else unless I can help myself. though sometimes it does take helping someone to help yourself, but that is for a different discussion. the point is. figure out how you are <span style="font-size: large;">special</span>, <span style="font-size: large;">remarkable</span>, or <span style="font-size: large;">extraordinary</span> and <span style="font-size: x-large;">hold</span> on to that for dear life. anytime you take one step away from that knowledge is when you doubt it. don't doubt it. find it and keep adding to the list. there is a fine line between humble and boastful. you can be humbly <span style="font-size: large;">extraordinary</span>. </div>
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satan is real. it is <span style="font-size: large;">terrifying</span> how much he knows each and everyone of us. how much he knows our <span style="font-size: large;">weaknesses</span>. how much he wants us to suffer. if satan had a tangible face, I'd punch it. ok. I wouldn't. but I would give him the shadiest shade of a look I could manage my face to contort to. he is the voice in our heads that says we are not good enough. we are unwanted. undesired. imperfect. fat. old. wrinkly. dumb. a loser. lazy.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">worthless</span>. </div>
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but what a lie that is! so much of a lie that it makes me want to run around the streets and shake people and tell them how much they are worth. because they are worth <span style="font-size: large;">sooooo</span> much it is insane. </div>
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frankly, it is a waste of time. </div>
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please note. I am no pro at this. actually this is all stemming from a slight breakdown last night that my sister can attest too. she said something that I really liked, "don't <span style="font-size: large;">let</span> satan make you feel bad for something you don't have yet." at first I thought I understood this. but when really thinking about it, it was something completely different. I shouldn't feel bad about not (in this case) having a boy in my life who genuinely wants to be with me. that's how it should be. the problem is I try to <span style="font-size: large;">fight</span> the current. I need to <span style="font-size: large;">relax</span> and go with the <span style="font-size: large;">flow</span>. actually. precision of language. swim with the flow. I need to be <span style="font-size: large;">actively</span> in the river swimming toward something. not trying to <span style="font-size: large;">catch</span> up to someone or <span style="font-size: large;">waiting</span> for someone to catch up to me or waiting to be <span style="font-size: large;">rescued</span>. </div>
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I am <span style="font-size: large;">extraordinary</span> and I will accept nothing less. to quote Grey's Anatomy, sorry guys. this show just really has a lot of saying that are unforgettable. she says, "I think that we can be <span style="font-size: large;">extraordinary</span> together instead of <span style="font-size: large;">ordinary</span> <span style="font-size: large;">apart</span>."</div>
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since I am already bringing the <span style="font-size: large;">extraordinary</span> part, my man needs to add to that. I am not taking the extra out. I <span style="font-size: large;">fought</span> for it. I am <span style="font-size: large;">fighting</span> to keep it. I am not letting it <span style="font-size: large;">go</span>. Sorry, Elsa.</div>
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I am and will continue to be <span style="font-size: large;">extraordinary</span>. </div>
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lately, and by lately I mean over the past two years, I have really come to love slam poetry. I love the passion that comes out of it. this one I discovered. it is fantastic. be warned that it does contain a couple of f-bombs. it sorta relates to this post, the loving yourself part. but I mainly just really like it. <br />
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Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-89730219063463213162014-09-02T11:29:00.002-07:002014-09-02T11:29:36.078-07:00grow'd upRemember how earlier I was talking about how things work out <span style="font-size: large;">perfectly</span> for me? kay, well that still goes without saying. I have been trying to put this post off slash never writing it, but writing always makes me think clearer. <br />
<br />
So there has been this <span style="font-size: large;">boy</span>. Let's call him the little merman. I have been crushin' on him for a bit and as of a couple week ago we had been hanging out and going on quasi dates (I call them that because idk if they were true dates or not. it was never communicated). Though we never really progressed passed almost snuggling. haha that sounds so dumb. but. true. not to toot my own horn, but I did put my head on his arm during a movie. Some of you might say, wow kim. that is <span style="font-size: large;">scandalous</span> for you. believe me I know. I'm pretty sure you could have felt my <span style="font-size: large;">heartbeat</span> reverberate through the floor. luckily it we were watching star wars and there are a lot of loud noises in that. <br />
<br />
I digress. <br />
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So basically, some days I would think for sure he was interested and other days not. I hate to quote katy perry, but he was <span style="font-size: large;">hot n cold</span>. yes n no. I couldn't tell if he was interested or not. So I decided I needed to make it clear I liked him. Even thinking about it right now I get <span style="font-size: large;">nervous</span> even though I already did it. Being a woman is hard enough, but being an English teacher who is expected to <span style="font-size: large;">analyze</span> everything just doubles the overthinking. So last Wednesday, after have a delightful time jumping on trampolines and pool hopping, I decided I had to shoot for the <span style="font-size: large;">moon</span>. aka. go for <span style="font-size: large;">broke</span>. aka. become a <span style="font-size: large;">woman</span>. aka balls to the <span style="font-size: large;">wall</span>. He walked me home and literally at the last second I just said, "can I tell you something?" <br />
He laughed and nodded.<br />
"<span style="font-size: large;">I like you</span>. And I don't know how you feel. And I am <span style="font-size: large;">terrified</span>. And I just want to know where you are at. Maybe how you feel about me. And that's it. I don't know what else to say. I am <span style="font-size: large;">terrified</span>."<br />
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I kid you not, this is what I said. I might have said I was terrified like twelve more times, but who is counting. I was hoping that my shakiness would come off as <span style="font-size: large;">cute</span>, not crazy. Though I did feel <span style="font-size: large;">crazy</span>. Anyway, the fact is I did it. The gist of what he said is he had to think about it. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Translation</span> = let me think of a nice way to let you down easy. <br />
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The next night he let me down easy, but not like a country song where it is cute and the chorus is catchy. It was more like a song with <span style="font-size: large;">no</span> words. Or music. <br />
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He was very <span style="font-size: large;">nice</span> about the whole thing. And I can honestly say he is a great guy, which makes it <span style="font-size: large;">harder</span>. I can't blame him for anything (except for leading me on, which he admitted to and apologized for). I asked him for <span style="font-size: large;">honesty</span>. He gave it. What else could I have expected? beside it working out...<br />
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Still. It <span style="font-size: large;">hurts</span>. No one likes to be <span style="font-size: large;">rejected</span>. Especially, when I legit thought this could have worked. Or could work. But feelings are like streets, they gotta go both ways for it to function properly. And like the road to my home, this street was one way. <br />
<br />
So now that you are all feeling sorry for me, as President Uchtdorf of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints says, "<span style="font-size: x-large;">Stop it!</span>" Don't worry, I tell myself this too. <br />
<br />
What I did was a <span style="font-size: large;">remarkable</span> thing that I have never done in my life. Close your mouth. Yes, this is the first time I told a guy straight up that I liked him. Go me...<br />
<br />
But really, <span style="font-size: large;">GO ME!!! </span>This was a hard thing. And the ending result <span style="font-size: large;">sucked</span>. Still <span style="font-size: large;">sucks</span>. Will <span style="font-size: large;">suck</span> for a little bit. But I tried to make something <span style="font-size: large;">happen</span> in my life. I took control and put myself out there. I will never have to think, hm. What could have happened? I know. I am living the result. And I did not fall down dead or get a disease. <br />
<br />
So yeah. This <span style="font-size: large;">sucks</span> right now. I am trying to keep thinking of how great it was to be so vulnerable and put myself out there. Focusing on the <span style="font-size: large;">good</span> that happened. So far I have been okay at it. Sorta. I was telling my best friend about it and described it as like smelling something bad. It comes in <span style="font-size: large;">whiffs</span>, but then goes away. Sometimes a really <span style="font-size: large;">rancid</span> whiff comes along and makes you a little <span style="font-size: large;">teary</span> eyed, but that goes away too. Over time the whiffs <span style="font-size: large;">lessen</span>. <br />
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I have been watching a lot of Grey's Anatomy lately. I love this show. I have seen every episode at least 3-4 times. It's a show that really just gets me. Anyway. I used to hate the character, Izzie. But her speeches are fantastic. There is this one about <span style="font-size: large;">believing</span> in the <span style="font-size: large;">good</span>. Ever since I first heard this, circa <span style="font-size: large;">2007</span>, I applied it to my life. There is so much good that a little bad really isn't <span style="font-size: x-large;">that</span> bad. So taking a note from Izzie. <br />
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I believe that <span style="font-size: large;">miracles</span> do happen, especially when you are not looking. I believe that cookies are meant to be eaten <span style="font-size: large;">raw</span> regardless of the salmonella warning. I believe that <span style="font-size: large;">getting</span> hurt doesn't mean you have to <span style="font-size: large;">be</span> hurt. I believe that being <span style="font-size: large;">courageous</span> is sometimes the only <span style="font-size: large;">victory</span> in a situation and that is <span style="font-size: large;">ok</span>. I believe that I can watch four episodes of Grey's Anatomy in a row and if I <span style="font-size: large;">learn</span> something applicable to my life I didn't waste my time. I believe that even though I am not wanted now, <span style="font-size: large;">#oneday</span> I will be. <br />
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Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-23254701688422023882014-08-22T11:09:00.004-07:002014-08-22T11:09:58.217-07:00Love Languages...there are more than one?<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I have known about this theory for a while. Basically,
there are five (generally) different ways people can respond to people caring
for them. Depending on what certain people need and what people give depends
how well they can communicate that they care for each other. Here are the five
languages. Please note that I got all of this directly from </span><a href="http://www.5lovelanguages.com/"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: Calibri;">http://www.5lovelanguages.com/</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">. In no
way do I claim these words as my own. </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(253, 253, 253); line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 6pt; mso-outline-level: 3;">
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o:title="Acts of Service"/>
</v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--></span><span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><br /></div>
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Acts of Service</span></strong><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(253, 253, 253); line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="color: #555555; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Can helping with
homework really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease
the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will
speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for
you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers
of this language their feelings don’t matter. When others serve you out of love
(and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(253, 253, 253); line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="color: #555555; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"><strong>Quality Time</strong></span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(253, 253, 253); line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="color: #555555; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In Quality Time,
nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this
type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and
knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special
and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be
especially hurtful. Whether itʼs spending uninterrupted time talking with
someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with
others through sharing time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Physical Touch</span></strong><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(253, 253, 253); line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="color: #555555; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A person whose
primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs,
pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to
show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility
are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Words of Affirmation</strong></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: rgb(253, 253, 253); line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="color: #555555; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Actions don’t
always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited
compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are
important— hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward.
Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on
hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Receiving Gifts</span></strong><br />
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #555555; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Don’t mistake this love language for
materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and
effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture
shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever
was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday or a hasty,
thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Gifts are heartfelt symbols to you of someone else's love and affection for
you.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now I always thought I was a certain way and that I received
in a certain way. So I took the test to find out what I really was. I tried to
be as honest as possible and really think back on occasions in my life where
these five things have really applied. This is what I got out of 30 questions:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #222222; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Your Scores</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #555555; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">9<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #555555; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Acts of Service<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #555555; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">8<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
<td style="background-color: transparent; border: rgb(0, 0, 0); padding: 0.75pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #555555; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Quality Time<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
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<span style="color: #555555; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">6<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
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<span style="color: #555555; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Physical Touch<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #555555; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">5<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #555555; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Words of Affirmation<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #555555; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #555555; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Receiving Gifts<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</td>
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</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To me, this looks pretty spread out. I knew that receiving
gifts is not my thing. I mean I love gifts, but they are not super important to
me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Words of affirmation. I think everyone loves to be told appreciating
things about themselves. It is important to me, but I also know who I am and am
confident so I don’t particularly NEED someone to tell me those things all the
time. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Physical touch. I am not a touchy feely person. Plain and
simple. So when I do touch someone (apro pro of course) it is because I mean
it. It is something very sacred to me. I don’t take that lightly nor do I receive
it lightly. So when someone touches me (apro pro of course) it is a big deal to
me, even if it is not for them. Which gets a little tricky. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Quality time. I am an introvert, I think. So when I actually
want to spend time with someone, it is kinda<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>big deal. I’m choosing to spend my precious time with someone that feel
is worth spending that time with. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lastly, acts of service. I already knew this would be my
number one. So I am a religious person and to me Christ is the best example of
how to live life. His life and ministry was one of service. I have learned that
charity AKA service is the pure love of Christ. I think that is why I value it
the most. When you really think about it, to me, it seems like the most
affectionate love language. The person expressing care is taking out of their
time to serve you. It is a completely selfless thing. Not saying I am a completely
selfless person. Not at all. But I enjoy making other people happy. My mom
would say sometimes I do that too much. She is probably right. But I don’t talk
about my feelings, I show them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why do I think this is important? Cause I’m dating. The quicker
I can figure out what language of love a guy needs, the easier for me to tell
if I think there could be something there. I don’t know particularly what
languages complement each other the best, but I would not be suited well with
someone who needs to receive gifts all the time. I don’t think like that so it wouldn’t
happen. Plus, I am not a millionaire. I know, the gifts don’t have to be big
things. Just teasing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would suggest that everyone learn these languages because
it is a better way to serve the ones you love. I am going to play detective for
the next few weeks and figure out what my friends’ love languages are. I am not
sure how to go about this…maybe I just have to try all five of them on them
covertly and see which one they respond to the most. Or I could just have them
take the quiz. Haha. Either way. I’ll figure it out. </span></div>
Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-21103248675667420352014-07-25T16:53:00.002-07:002014-07-25T16:56:06.203-07:00cheesecake bites...I love frozen yogurt. More importantly, I love the <span style="font-size: large;">cheesecake</span> bites that you can put on top. I will choose a specific yogurt place because it has the <span style="font-size: large;">cheesecake</span> bites. There is just something about bitesized pieces of <span style="font-size: large;">cheesecake</span>. Basically, I dream about it. I think I get more <span style="font-size: large;">cheesecake</span> bites than the yogurt. Have I said cheesecake bites enough? <span style="font-size: large;">Cheescake</span> bites.<br />
<br />
Point of the story. I won't settle for a yogurt place if it doesn't have <span style="font-size: large;">cheesecake</span> bites.<br />
<br />
I dated a guy once who I knew was not what I needed. He didn't have the attributes that suited my personality. For instance, he wouldn't tease fight with me. I like to argue <span style="font-size: large;">dumb</span> things. He wouldn't do it. Or even get mad. I was always right. Even when I was wrong. I hated that. We <span style="font-size: large;">wouldn't</span> play. But I stuck with him because I thought, "who else is vying for my attention?" #spoileralert, no one. I liked the attention of him more than him. That was not fair to him. And especially me. I was settling. His yogurt shop was not offering any <span style="font-size: large;">cheesecake</span> bites. After a painfully awkward breakup a few days in to a family vacation where we were stuck on a houseboat; our relationship ended. I left his yogurt shop with no <span style="font-size: large;">cheesecake</span> bites or yogurt, but with a lesson learned. I should never settle.<br />
<br />
Now that was three years ago. Let's get real for a sec, k? It's been <span style="font-size: large;">three</span> years since I have been in a <span style="font-size: large;">real</span> relationship, if you call what Mr. J and I had real. Sure on Fbook I am engaged to Rufio Jones. A dog. Yes. There have been dates, but mostly first dates. Although it has been hard, like not eating a freshly baked batch of cookies hard, I know it will be <span style="font-size: large;">worth</span> it. Cause I will find that yogurt shop that has all the toppings I want and more. I just have to be patient and keep trying different places. It may surprise me what place has those <span style="font-size: large;">cheesecake</span> bites I crave so much.<br />
<br />
So. Just as in my love of yogurt, I don't plan to settle for anything subpar. I thought I couldn't get anything but plain froyo, but that is dumb. I'm freaking awesome. And <span style="font-size: large;">#oneday</span> someone will see that. Until then, I will try me some every kinda frozen yogurt.<br />
<br />
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<br />Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-57219829914181142422014-07-22T10:57:00.001-07:002014-07-22T11:33:41.696-07:00Dusting off...You know how life always goes exactly how you plan? Me too. <span style="font-size: large;">NOT</span>. After graduating last year from college, I thought I was going to move to New York and become the next big editor (which if you actually read my posts is pretty funny because I don't even edit my own stuffs). Turns out, I was too big of a baby to make the move, transition to a new place where I literally would have no one to fall back on. I also did not want to do ten years of grunge work, queue Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal, to get to a place I would actually enjoy. So after traveling through Europe with my best friend, I decided to fall back on an old high school plan: become a high school English teacher. How original, right? So here am I, now in Provo, Utah at the other BYU getting my teaching licence. And, more poignantly, a <span style="font-size: large;">marriage licence. </span><br />
<br />
Let's be real here. When I was but a mere age of twelve I believed in <span style="font-size: large;">fairy tales</span>, of love that works seamlessly and easily. Through the years, I witnessed my two older sisters go on several dates and with the older one having a cliche-Mormon-will-you-wait-for-me scenario. It turned out great for them and now with their three kids they couldn't be happier. The second oldest followed suit and had a remarkable story of getting dumped whilst on her mission in the Philippines only to have her future husband send her flowers on Valentine's Day that started their eternal happiness. Although Brian had to almost drag his wife to the alter after basically two years, their life has been so blessed with so many opportunities for them. Like how they both got accepted to prestigious UCLA programs by sheer miracle (they both very much deserved it because they are smart, but law school is <span style="background-color: white;">hard to get</span> into and Emily got chosen for a program that only two people get annually). And then there is Brandon. I have <span style="font-size: large;">watched</span> him seek after girls he is interested in, get hurt, get back up, and continue on. Even now he has a serious girlfriend who he has invited to try the ultimate test of the family vacation of Lake Powell (i broke up with a bf at LP two days before the trip ended). <br />
<br />
Then there is me. Some days it feels as if there is <span style="font-size: large;">no hope</span>. Those are good days...just kidding. I understand there is a plan for me. It's just taking longer than I imagined when I was twelve. At that naive age I thought I would be fending off all dem boys. <span style="font-size: large;">#spoileralert</span> that didn't happen. I thought my life would be filled with writing missionaries and longing for the day they return and we get engaged and have a beautiful life together. Or going to a college where the motto is "BYU-I do". I didn't.<br />
<br />
Now at 23 years of life as a single women in a community where I should be <span style="font-size: large;">engaged/married/pregnant</span> all I feel is discouraged. My life insecurities are attacking me as they once did in high school. Satan knows me too well and that is terrifying. I actually had a dream last night where I was at a restaurant and an older gentleman was commenting how I was still single because I was fat. Even in my dream I was bewildered that someone could be so rude, but I didn't cry in my dream because he said. I cried because I <span style="font-size: large;">believed</span> it. I know I am not fat. But still the thoughts creep in when I think why I am still single. It's an insecurity I think all us girls have. <br />
<br />
And isn't that just <span style="font-size: large;">stupid</span>? <br />
<br />
The world we live in is always telling women we are too fat, too skinny, love yourself, be bootylicious, embrace your curves, don't be a stiff or prude, embrace your sexuality and etc. <br />
<br />
I am sad to report that it has taken me 23 years to figure out how to love my body and myself and even then the love is fragile and new. But this is a goal I know I am going to continue to explore. Life is too <span style="font-size: large;">short</span> to stress about the little things. And that is only one insecurity. <br />
<br />
I am on a tangent. I digress.<br />
<br />
I am still single. I am attempting to enjoy the little things on this journey of patience. Since I believe in eternal marriage, 23 years is not even anything. My roommate (Adj) and I are in the same boat. We both are frustrated, but determined to make the most of our lives. Our society (and by that i mean Mormon society) has tradition for being married young. Like most of my life, I have been an <span style="font-size: large;">oddball</span>, <span style="font-size: large;">outcast</span>, <span style="font-size: large;">redheaded stepchild</span>, but now I am seeing how this can be a good thing. Some days it is a stretch, but when that day does come and I find the person that wants to do dumb things with me, like having a singing contest in a crowd of people or sneak into a parade we don't belong in or binge watch Catfish on MTV, it will be worth it. All this loneliness will be put to use when its compared to my <span style="font-size: large;">happiness</span> with my future man. They will complement each other like cookies and milk.<br />
<br />
Adj and I have a saying. At times I get so frustrated with it I want to punch her, but other times I really need that bit of hope. We love using hash tags, no naturally it involves a hash tag. Everyone needs a reminder sometimes that today might not be THE day, but it will eventually happen <strong><span style="font-size: large;">#oneday.</span></strong> <br />
<br />
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Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-57697687075547486992012-12-08T21:53:00.000-08:002012-12-08T21:53:25.561-08:00weird faces<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx17lUPKqfnx2GELO74Kp7EPossegBsuqFjOEM2AMxdinM2jHHWU51AlDWsrK-YA91uUYuri_qIhsnVjim0n2OsFmTrqB5xzNmFBC-dIQgWypObG-w1s2-D1J1C8kxCnBBPXzb3r_lQwU/s1600/jef+holm+haha.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx17lUPKqfnx2GELO74Kp7EPossegBsuqFjOEM2AMxdinM2jHHWU51AlDWsrK-YA91uUYuri_qIhsnVjim0n2OsFmTrqB5xzNmFBC-dIQgWypObG-w1s2-D1J1C8kxCnBBPXzb3r_lQwU/s320/jef+holm+haha.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
I met jef holms and did the classic make a weird face.... if you dont know who jef holms is, its cool. just google the Bachelorette.<br />
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this is jay leno and my making a weird face again.... : )</div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I shouldn’t
be writing this blog post because I am frustrated. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I will,
however, focus on what I did tonight. I went to a place called I-Jump. Sidenote,
I don’t know why everything has an ‘I’ in front of it now. It is just weird. It
was so much fun though! I cannot even describe. I went with a couple guys from
my vball team this semester. They helped make it way fun. Basically, this place
is covered with trampolines and sorts of. There are tramps that go into foam
pits. Floors of tramps lined together. In the foam pit one I did a backflip! First
one ever. I was so scared. I was jumping into a foam pit but I was still scared
to death. Maybe not death, that is a little harsh. But nonetheless, I was
scared. The first attempt I jumped and floated backwards and fluttered my hands
and legs and landed on my back in the foam. It was pretty funny. They had a
replay camera and I got to watch what I looked like. The second attempt I was
jumping, got too close to the edge, and just sort of tumbled in. Right after
that I nailed it. Landed straight on my feet. I think I would have been a good
gymnast if I stuck with it and got over my fear of being scared of hurting
myself. Seriously, gymnasts have not fear whatsoever. I got pretty pro as
backflips in the pit. My next goal was to do a front handspring. I did it. I then
decided to have a race around the trampolines with my friend Joel. The first
race a little girl ran out in front of him and he took her out. Then I tripped
over one of the mats that covers the springs. The second race, I tripped over
the mat thing again! But at least I took Joel out with me. The third race I flat
out tripped over the mat again. I took no one out. I laughed pretty dang hard. Overall
it was a great night. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I get
to go home on Wednesday. I could not be more thrilled. I need to just recollect
myself. The same struggles are creeping up on me again. It is so frustrating to
thing that I have overcome the struggles and self-doubts, but then BOOM they
are back in an instant no questions asked. It is all good though. My life is
great. I really have no room for complaints, only gratitude. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-6881791869427304882012-11-18T21:26:00.000-08:002012-11-18T21:26:22.265-08:00Heroes<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I am obsessed with the show “Heroes”.
If you have not watched it, you should. If you don’t want to, don’t. I’m glad
that I can watch this whole series without having to wait each week. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Let’s see. Life is fine. I have
so much to be grateful for. I am so grateful for losing. Eh I hate it, but I love
it. For some reason I am supposed to build character about losing. I’d like to
say for the record that I have soooo much character. Gahl it is insane sometimes.
So recap this past weekend quickly, both my volleyball teams lost. My girls
team I was on was not a super hard pill to swallow that we lost, but my guys
team was. I was so close AGAIN to winning with the team I coached. The guys
lost on the same court we lost last semester. The team we lost to was not even
super great, which AGAIN is frustrating. But I took it like a man. I swallowed
my pride and smiled. I took losing with grace. The girls team I was on I thought
from the beginning of the season we were going to be the worst. After the first
practice...and the second... I was convinced that was true. Then we had a tournament.
I then thought that we could win. We fought hard and then we lost. I was so
upset. It brought me back to my glory losing days of high school volleyball. I have
so much character. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I was also sick this past week. I
get nasty colds. Man. All my life I thought I was resistant to colds, but alas
in the past few years they have rocked me like a hurricane. Like the song
reference? But, really. I could not breathe. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I am going home tomorrow for
thanksgiving and I need it! I just have to get away and recoup a little. Get some
strategies and such. I need to capture a man. I have to get a net and literally
just capture him. There is no specific him, but I do need a him. I feel like
this is a righteous desire. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Other than these things nothing
is really going on. Just trying to get through life. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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In the meantime, I hope your life is good. Mine is good
too. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Xoxo<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
kk<o:p></o:p></div>
Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-15129854711615766942012-11-12T20:53:00.000-08:002012-11-12T20:53:18.107-08:00progress i guess<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvWby3SIY-azpjy2_8j119FiHwfqa_z2hKMNaiQpLAsRByZs8ITWiFEei5qVXPUu7vmj4tbhboV5iw1KZOdoi72P1cmLnBL8bJ0Od7fKlZSP4p_KjmZZBWLIZWL9OYm-CpiLUZeDJ9438/s1600/p90x+results.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvWby3SIY-azpjy2_8j119FiHwfqa_z2hKMNaiQpLAsRByZs8ITWiFEei5qVXPUu7vmj4tbhboV5iw1KZOdoi72P1cmLnBL8bJ0Od7fKlZSP4p_KjmZZBWLIZWL9OYm-CpiLUZeDJ9438/s640/p90x+results.JPG" width="587" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">On a happy
note, here are my results. I never realized how gross I looked before, sorry
not gross. Just unhealthy. So here is my goodbye to those 9 ¾ inches. Peace out
and never come back. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I would not
say I am stuck in life, more that I am progressing really slowly. I am truly trying
to progress like the gospels says. I just don’t feel like it. But I have
progressed physically as well as mentally. I think I grow up more and more
every day in both senses. I also see how I am turning in to my mom more and
more. I have come to this conclusion several times, all of which result in me
crying. Like seriously. Those who know me personally know that I do not, or try
not, to cry in public. I like to keep emotions to myself. I guess that is
selfish, but I do it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">There have
been several instances where I have started to tear up. A couple of weeks ago I was helping Sarah drop
her brother off at the MTC. From previous experience I have learned that one
cannot simply drop someone off at the MTC without crying. That is impossible. So
I offered to drive down with her to the MTC so she would not have to drive
alone home alone. First we had to pick up her brother at the airport and while
we were there two missionaries were coming home from their missions. As soon as
I saw the elders embrace their mothers and family I started to tear up. I just
remember when my brothers and sister came home and how spiritual and joyful it
was. It is such a sweet experience to see them accomplish such a feat. I mean,
giving yourself to the Lord fully for two years is intense. I cannot imagine
how many days it could feel so difficult to keep going. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">The second
time literally just happened to me. I was reading my sisters blog and she was
talking about how Cooper, her son, still snuggles with her. He is 5. To quote
her blog she said, “Yester we were laying down having some quiet time in my bed
(which we routinely do) and I felt him move my pillow so he could move his head
on my shoulder. To be adored by your oldest son is something I will always
cherish...all I could see when I looked at him was my tiny baby smiling at me,
looking up at my eyes with his big blue ones”. I hope one day to have this
relationship with my children. Hopefully soon I can start my family. This
simple gesture by the Cooper-duper-super-fly-man made me cry. I miss them. I miss
all of my cheese boys. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">My other
sister is pregnant with twins right now and she has asked me to be her doula. At
first I had no idea what the heck that was. Basically it is an assistant to the
midwife. I am going to help her with her labor. I am sincerely humbled that Natalie
thought of me. We think alike. She told me I will be able to calm her down in
ways that we both can understand. I hope I can live up to her standards. I am
going to research and try to be the best that I can. This little gesture has
got me thinking about becoming a midwife. I have always been fascinated with
birth ever since I have watched my eldest sister give birth. I think it is
amazing how a baby can be born. It is just insane. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Cambria","serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">So that is my life for now. This weekend I have my volleyball tournaments for my guys team and girls team. Hopefully, we can both get to the championships...and hopefully we will win!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">xoxox</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria, serif;">gg</span></div>
Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-61390238492450105322012-09-23T20:28:00.001-07:002012-09-23T20:28:36.201-07:00sort of new post....<br />
Hooooo kay. Well lets just recap. No funny business....straight to the bullet points.<br />
-<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I am a p90x grad! No big deal or anything....but I lost 9 ¾ inches over my whole body. So crazy weird. I knew the changes weren’t going to be crazy drastic, but 9 inches is pretty intense. I do see the results so I am pretty pumped for that. now it is just maintaining and continuing in my journey.<br />
-<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Speaking of continuing, I am almost through Insanity. Let me tell you, the name is fooor reallsy. Like literally I think to myself that I am crazy for doing these things. Just plain crazy. But it is fun. I like doing these kinda workouts. Just to push myself. I highly suggest it to anyone!<br />
-<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Went to lake powell and it was a delight. We hiked this trail called cathedral canyon. It was like a ropes course. First we had to shimmy up a crack, later we found out we could rock climb up the side which was precarious, then we had to climb a rope up like a 20 foot wall. With just a rope. Straight up wall. The next task was rock climbing up another wall. But this one was a waterfallish. It was like 8 feet high. There were little toe stubs to climb up. Brandon got up successfully and then helped everyone else up. the 8 foot waterfall acted like a slide so when you fell it was just a slide. Pretty cool. Then we had to walk in SCORCHING hot sand. All of us did not have shoes on. So we sprinted soo fast through the sand. It was worth it though. The end was this huge bowl shaped rock that was hundreds of feet tall. During a storm a waterfall cascades down. I wish I could have seen that. but I loved that hike.<br />
-<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>So lp was great as usual. I did a power slide. Ballin!<br />
-<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Then I got to go home. Home is always nice.<br />
-<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Surprise! I then got to go to new York! It was so fun. I hung out with my mom the whole time and it was a good bonding experience. We were there for 4 nights and we saw 5 plays. Literally my best thing ever. We saw Mary Poppins, Evita, Voca People and my favorites Newsies and Once.<br />
-<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Lotoja<br />
-<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Back in school! Volleyball! I am coaching and playing so imma be crazy!<br />
-<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I don’t feel like typing....sooo lates man. Lates.<br />
<div>
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Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-21908805258319473752012-07-03T10:12:00.000-07:002012-07-03T10:14:57.107-07:00my garden has a tree in it that another puppy wants to pee on...Sunday I had the opportunity to listen to one of my friends, Quinten, analogies. Man this one was a dooozy. I was a garden. I had a tree in my garden. But there was a puppy that wanted to pee on my tree that was in my garden. That’s the gist of it. You try to figure it out. <br />
<br />
So the p90x has been solid since the beginning of the semester. I love the program, but I am excited to finish it and have a break. I am even more excited to start it again in the fall…..<br />
<br />
Speaking of the fall, I have decided to stay up at school even though I am off track. I was weighing the pros and cons and I really think that staying up here will be best. I haven’t written out my pros and cons so I guess this is a good time as ever<br />
<br />
Cons:<br />
Wont be home<br />
Will live in Rexburg<br />
School for like 5 semesters in a row<br />
Some friends are leaving<br />
Might not get into the apt I want<br />
My dogs wont be here<br />
My family wont be here<br />
I wont have a job<br />
And probably more…but that’s all I can think of right now<br />
<br />
Pros:<br />
Class I take now will take a load off my last two semesters.<br />
I wont have to have a stupid job<br />
Better social scene<br />
Competitive volleyball<br />
My friends are here<br />
My ward is awesome<br />
A certain boy will be here in the fall….<br />
An plenty more<br />
<br />
So that’s the list. It seems that the cons are larger, but the gravity of the pros outweighs the cons. At least I think. It is weird to make these decisions. Its weird that I am 21, oh bee tee dubs I had a bday recently. Thanks for telling me happy birthday….but I think I realize that I need to trust the Lord. Work with him. I am making this decision with good faith that it is the right one. If it turns out to be wrong, then the Lord will let me know. I am going in this direction for now though. Hopefully I can get into the same apt as sarah or else that would suck. Slash I hope I can get in the ridge in general. I am on the waiting list, which sucks. I wish I knew earlier that I was going to stay up here, but oh well. <br />
<br />
I was looking at other housing and there is nowhere else I would want to live… so I really really hope I can live at the ridge. <br />
<br />
Lets see… tomorrow I will float down a river for like 4 hours. Great day to be in ‘Merica. Land of the fre’. <br />
I went on a date the other night. That’s where the whole garden and tree thing comes to play. Figure it out yet? Anywho. My roommate tells me she think he really likes me. I am unsure yet of how I feel. I don’t know him very well and there are only 2 and a half weeks left in the semester. So not looking for a last chance hook up. <br />
<br />
Anyway. 2 and a half weeks til I am home, 3 and a half weeks til I am at lake powell. So pumped its insane. <br />
<br />
Xoxo<br />
<br />
GG<br />
<br />Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-61848566119098267732012-05-01T20:47:00.001-07:002012-05-01T20:47:30.971-07:00week threeso we are in week three of P90X and boy its feels good. i think our favorite part of the whole program is hearing Tony, the main instructor guy, and all of his sayings. some of our faves are "bring it", "do your best and forget the rest", "german potato soup", "pam the blam", "hip, hop 'n raise" and so many more. but the all time favorite is when he introduces ab ripper X. he says "Ab ripper X, i hate it" then he pauses, tilts his head, and puts out his hand, "but i love it".<br />
<br />
so i love this program. i love the fact that i can feel myself building muscle. its incredible. its only week three but i feel so powerful. sure i am dead tired by the end of the day, i hate it, but i love it. hahah my favorite line. but in all seriousness i think this program is teaching me a lot. both sarah and i love it because we dont have to worry about what we are going to have to do that day for workout. we just pop in the right CD and BAM we have our workout.<br />
<br />
um other cool happenings. i am coaching a mens volleyball team for our competitive league at school. super exciting. yesterday was our first practice. at first it was a little shaky because i am not used to being in charge during a practice. after a rough first half hour, i sort of fell into the coaching position. then drills came more naturally. time will tell if i am a good coach. i hope i can learn through this experience. also, i hope i can win. haahh i hate losing sooo... that would be neat to win. thats about it. life is busy, but busy good. between school, p90x, hw, coaching, i am soo glad to be sleeping by the end of the night. seriously. last night i slept for a straight nine hours. ok.... now that doesnt sound that much for some of y'all. but for me thats awesome. i usually dont sleep throughout the whole night. i wake up often. so a whole 9 hours is great. that just proves to me that p90x is working. im pushing my body. i love it! haha well its easy to see i am in a great mood. life is good today. got my toes in the water, my toes in the sand, and a cold beer in my hand. life is good today. bee tee dubs, thats a song. zac brown band. look it up. umm.<br />
<br />
thats about it. nothing more, nothing less.<br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
<br />
kimmahKimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-42674368910815439682012-04-21T18:46:00.002-07:002012-04-21T18:46:12.404-07:00P90X<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
well the debut of P90X pictures in about to come forth. now these pictures are not for the faint of heart. they are also the before pictures in our story. </div>
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<ul>
<li>this is a true story of the journey of two big butt roommates who want to see the their potential as not-as-big-butt roommates. they want to see how their bodies can become the most incredible machines possible. they want to try to have a more intuitive feel of their bodies. through sweat and hard work they will succeed, using each other as support. these pictures were a harsh reality of what does not work. results are given easily, but GOOD results need hard work. they know that if they expect certain results, the required work must be done. there is not easy way. no quick way. </li>
</ul>
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We have decided. We are committed. We will succeed. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBSawy-5TUNvYMdS07mXF1riJm9jmvhWRAd1HcHz-AGNQFdVD36w2MM6W32oD66tRkx5AS7qg3ycj0obn_YEXW73ExH2t0XKVzurP1pGe8XR6vk-yAkEJxsBP9rzbuV9Jc50PAthgOVLo/s1600/IMAG0073.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBSawy-5TUNvYMdS07mXF1riJm9jmvhWRAd1HcHz-AGNQFdVD36w2MM6W32oD66tRkx5AS7qg3ycj0obn_YEXW73ExH2t0XKVzurP1pGe8XR6vk-yAkEJxsBP9rzbuV9Jc50PAthgOVLo/s320/IMAG0073.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
my beginning<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjhVoCHlWyL4QRuqz33BJKE16Uyi_Qd9BNsrHBT9Gsvtjj3LAy-aEouMYKqGt52bdPwbn_VEv3WjsaCR6u5gTclL0OkpU1_nKP5d9XKf7JzRo2LGfbxh7HfztI-whKMDnKU_WIv1XA1pY/s1600/IMAG0075.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjhVoCHlWyL4QRuqz33BJKE16Uyi_Qd9BNsrHBT9Gsvtjj3LAy-aEouMYKqGt52bdPwbn_VEv3WjsaCR6u5gTclL0OkpU1_nKP5d9XKf7JzRo2LGfbxh7HfztI-whKMDnKU_WIv1XA1pY/s320/IMAG0075.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
a harsh truth<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizADjK2AACnObr5Av22FiGP_b5zuO00qDiGA7GfHvoMXUUUqeEQTFD4ox-pfIQurpGvpHpFos6-UUQ1UwZQEREGeWYsCAkYCR_Iaf10TN20hqEjkbWIbe_iek1-RxgWPNlA1LOW1_qPoc/s1600/IMAG0076.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizADjK2AACnObr5Av22FiGP_b5zuO00qDiGA7GfHvoMXUUUqeEQTFD4ox-pfIQurpGvpHpFos6-UUQ1UwZQEREGeWYsCAkYCR_Iaf10TN20hqEjkbWIbe_iek1-RxgWPNlA1LOW1_qPoc/s320/IMAG0076.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
my determination<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4LXGrjUd8U1KwZP71TmIeZkCQi-tgMj380vcwGo3fxTWNUOIo9t22fpiLB36peccvd5Z9-0TDVJ-RIhv6azBtJZiWMwKOhvrHki3TDqGP3lC9ptww9TU-261pjbOPkWVrbSvUsGPvdDE/s1600/IMAG0080.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4LXGrjUd8U1KwZP71TmIeZkCQi-tgMj380vcwGo3fxTWNUOIo9t22fpiLB36peccvd5Z9-0TDVJ-RIhv6azBtJZiWMwKOhvrHki3TDqGP3lC9ptww9TU-261pjbOPkWVrbSvUsGPvdDE/s320/IMAG0080.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
sarah's beginning<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWjiFrMfHt-q6pnREfZXK_xT952izbE3Ila9C4U3cjrd6imbsSQgz1sG3hknHaBa2ydwORrOC2gFUWmYOISnLcW8bYa_YnjtmpYwokC_1EsBGGDOt-YrGV19AF1EfIbzS5Id8Md3skTdw/s1600/IMAG0081.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWjiFrMfHt-q6pnREfZXK_xT952izbE3Ila9C4U3cjrd6imbsSQgz1sG3hknHaBa2ydwORrOC2gFUWmYOISnLcW8bYa_YnjtmpYwokC_1EsBGGDOt-YrGV19AF1EfIbzS5Id8Md3skTdw/s320/IMAG0081.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
her commitment<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPxP0ZZWqInYSHQI5nMsKeaku02b11ktHbInhpbPY5uvWrxjYCIG0kJxUQtdyk_nK7uwMxU-fl1cCtw2MdoAZGiSbFnwh4csImenkMzvLdsB_XTb01b4l_0OQVKcwyM7tPh7cDE-fdfrE/s1600/IMAG0082.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPxP0ZZWqInYSHQI5nMsKeaku02b11ktHbInhpbPY5uvWrxjYCIG0kJxUQtdyk_nK7uwMxU-fl1cCtw2MdoAZGiSbFnwh4csImenkMzvLdsB_XTb01b4l_0OQVKcwyM7tPh7cDE-fdfrE/s320/IMAG0082.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
her determination.<br />
<br />
now i am hesitant to put these pictures on this blog for many reasons. most of them obvious and common. but i need to show the starting point. the journey is not going to pretty. even the end result might not be profound, but the lessons being learned along the way are most important. we are learning life skills that will help our future families live healthy life styles. in a world where fast food dominates, the home can still control what is allowed inside.<br />
<br />
so, my thousands of followers, watch or even join us. it doesnt have to be p90x, or any other crazy ridiculous program, but it does have to be a change. if what you are looking at is not satisfying, you can change it! sure, it is going to suck sometimes. sure, you are going to cave and have a piece of red velvet cake, then you are going to forgive yourself. sure, you will want to punch someone when the scale doesnt say what the work you put in says. its frustrating, but all of that should make you work harder and strive to be better. i have watched people's bodies around me become incredible machines. our bodies WANT to be healthy. this is our body, our choice. its a choice only we can make for ourselves. so lets make good choices. lets say no to the cookie and yes to taking the stairs. no to watching tv for 5 hours and yes for playing in a park. no to our generation of fast food and yes to a generation changing the norms. lets make healthy be the norm. obesity is a climbing common sight. how about healthy being the climbing common sight?<br />
<br />
i'm in. are you?<br />
<br />
Bring it.<br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
Kimberly<br />
<br />
p.s. im done talking.Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8336649933371439261.post-45221474475327135262012-03-29T18:11:00.002-07:002012-03-29T18:21:13.396-07:00me thoughts<span ><span style="font-size: 100%;">welp, the end of the semester is in sight. alls i gotta do is finish my 12 page paper and another 8 pager paper and create two portfolios and im done....what?? ugh i know. but im soooo close. things to look foreward too are (da da da daaaahh bulltion formation)</span></span><div style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 100%; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><br /></div><div><ul><li><span >spring semester P90x is going to shape my life. sarah and i are going to get so swole. hahah really though. im super pumped. i have see what counting calories does, now if i can ad p90x. life is good. im so pumped for that and so is sarah. we shall be doing a before and after and during pictures...prob be posted on here. sooo check back soon my wonderous followers.</span></li><li><span >going home and having a variety of food choices. mmmm. to name a few the habit, genki sushi, in n out, itaila deli. cant wait</span></li><li><span >i guess seeing my family fits in here. haha really though it does. i miss them.</span></li><li><span >speaking of family, the babies. i think i am most excited for them. i always am. </span></li><li><span >also, my dogs. i had a great dream last night of seeing my puppy corkey sue. she is in heaven being Jesus' friend. but in my dream we played and had sucha fun time. she let me kiss her now which she never let me do. im glad i get to see her in my dreams. </span></li><li><span >banana phone</span></li><li><span >possibly disneyland/six flags and for sure a dodger game. i usually dont like dodger games, but i do now. weird eh?</span></li><li><span >beach...idk why this one was so delayed....</span></li><li><span >running/ hiking on my trails</span></li><li><span >i am pretty sure easter is around the time i am home. so that is neat.</span></li></ul><div><span >so here is my struggle. dont get too excited its not that big of a deal. it invovles the hunger games. let me start out by saying i will end up seeing the movie, just letting y'all know of my precautions. welp i read the book. at first read i wondered if i liked the book. it was written well, buthte concept kind of irked me. anywho. i have a picture of what it all looks like in my head. i dont want the integrity of that to be ruined. if that makes sense. so i am heisitant to see the movie. that being said i am also curious. </span></div></div><div><span ><br /></span></div><div><span >life is good. i havent really been thinking about a whole lot lately. just trying to get through the last couple of weeks of school. </span></div><div><span ><br /></span></div><div><span >um ryder, my roommates dog is huge. like he is a real dog now. </span></div><div><span ><br /></span></div><div><span >xoxo</span></div><div><span >kk spesh</span></div>Kimmahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02080783653543506605noreply@blogger.com0