havaSUPai

I can say that I am a person who just does things. If I want to do something, I will do it. Like that time I wanted to see The Lego Movie and no one else did. So. I just saw it. By myself. In an empty theater. Well, it was empty until a black guy showed up and sat two seats away from me. I mean out of all the empty seats in the theater, he chose the one almost in the nearest proximity to me. Then he left halfway through the movie. I guess everything wasn't awesome for him...Or there was this other time where I just went on a hike. I met an old man named Dan and we hiked for three hours together. It was a delight. Everyone just told me it was sketchy, but man did I love Dan...Point being. I do things.

So this last weekend, I did something. I hiked to Havasupai Falls in Arizona. Now, let me preface this by saying that I have never backpacked before, camped without my dad or have hiked more than 7 miles. I am proud to say that I did all of those things and then some.This hike was sponsored by a guy who just creates these adventures and invites people. This was a group of around 50. I knew one person who was going. I wasn't convinced to go, but then two weeks before the trip, I remembered my Grandma Faun saying how I should go because I am young and will never have this opportunity to do something like this ever again. She is right. I am so grateful for her advice. Honestly, old people know what's up. Let's break it down.

• I backpacked for the first time in my life. I had to pack my bag. I had to figure out how I was going to feed myself. I had to figure out how to cook the food I prepared. I had to carry it all on my back. I had to hike with it on my back for ten miles. Luckily, I have friends from whom I could borrow a backpack and a tent. ***notice how I did not say sleeping bag. this will be talked about later***
• Out of the fifty people going, I knew one person. One. And I basically did not even see her the entire trip.
• It rained. every. single. day. turns out, my tent is not waterproof. It is water resistant, but not proof. So I was very excited when I was setting up my tent and proud that I accomplished something. Then it started raining and I was soon sitting in a puddle. I was laughing at the people getting drenched and then I was humbled, slowly as it seeped all around me.
• I stole a tent. Well, not really, but really. People leave stuff behind at the campground all the time. So I took what someone left behind. A tender mercy. It was a three person tent. So I asked the rain soaked boys that I just met if they wanted to share the tent with me. They obliged. (obvi. they would be sharing a tent with me. like, who wouldn't?)
• I did not bring a sleeping bag. Every site I saw when researching this trip told me I did not need to bring a sleeping bag because it would be so hot, I could just layer up my clothes. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. Wrong in your weeny. Well, for the first two nights. It was freezing and I was cold. Luckily, I shared a tent with two guys and their body heat helped it be warmer in the tent. No, I did not have to snuggle with either of them for warmth. Thanks for asking. But one of them did have a space blanket that, as the moon is my witness, it kept me remarkably warm--er. Warmer than if I did not have it.
• fun fact. one of these boys asked me out and we have been talking. I'm a charmer...even in my sleep.
• I hiked out ten miles. Now, that is not a very far distance. The hike in was ten miles downhill. So that meant the hike out was ten miles up hill. I felt that uphill at around mile 5.7. And then I felt it even more every step in the last two miles. The last two miles is a steep uphill with a ton of switchbacks. I mean, you literally have to climb out of the Grand Canyon. You are traversing a canyon wall, of course it is going to be steep. But I did it. I could have helicoptered out, and you better believe I thought about it. I could have rode a horse or even had my pack carried by a mule. But no. I did it. I was a She-hulk. A She-wolf. Easily the hardest thing I have ever done physically.

Those were the struggles of the trip. But it was all worth it. Seriously. I have weighed it in my head. The pros and cons. They came close, but it was worth it. A strange experience, but an adventure.

• The waterfalls were AMAZING. I felt like I was in Hawaii, but I was in the bottom of the Grand Canyon in the middle of the desert. I can only describe how cool it was by my pictures. So please, take my word for it through my pictures.

 

my tent, preflood

'Murica

my favorite hike down to the following waterfall

nameste

can you see me?

the most beautiful place I have ever eaten a pb&j

I work every runway

the cool climb, remember?

we're following the leader...

*not hawaii

everything the light touches will be yours...so nothing. cause it rained all weekend. But this is the top of the canyon before we climbed down.

I mean, I wasn't lying was I?

You plan your trip, save a spot for me!

xoxo GG

chapter closed

For my posterity, do not drag something on longer than it needs to be. When you read this post, talk to me and I will tell you the story. It is not something for me to put online. Mainly because I am just moving on from it and not looking back.

Ask me what happened on the eve of my 24 birthday and how I entered my 24 year.

Hint hint...I entered it, leaving the baggage at the door of 23.

oh deer!

So a few weeks ago I want on a 24 hour scavenger hunt type thing. We went all over Salt Lake City down through Provo and on to Moab and a little further. Well, at around three thirty in the AM, my teammate an I were in the front seat of the van. We had been in the race around ten hours going nonstop.

We were tired and everyone else in the car was sleeping. I was in the passenger seat and Tyler was driving. He had had a couple redbulls or monsters, some sort of caffeine. Basically, he was pretty wired. I was pretty tired. We were in the middle of nowhere heading to Hanksville, Utah. Tyler saw that I was tired and told me it was alright if I wanted to take a little nap. Thinking it would be better for the later on if I took a little snoozer, I tried to get comfy. I was tired, but I couldn't sleep because I was not comfy. I also felt like I should not sleep. After about five minutes of not getting comfy and feeling like I needed to be awake, I opened my eyes and decided not to sleep.

A few minutes later, I saw a shadow on the side of the road. It was moving. We were barreling down this deserted highway at like 75 mph, if not faster. I started saying, calmly, "oh my gosh." Just then Tyler saw the same thing, but a little different. He saw the shadow that was following the shadow I saw. There were two deer! Tyler, very calmly, just slowly went between the two deer.

We. Went. Between. The. Two. Deer.

The deer on my side of the road was so close, I could have rolled down my window and kissed its nose, which I would have wanted to do had I been thinking more quickly. After that, the entire car was wide awake.

It was a miracle.

"Make that of it what you will" (Peace Like a River by Leif Enger).

btw...everyone should read this book. it is fantastic.

a moment

So I got my nephew a book for Christmas. The book is called, "Mustache Baby." Basically. This baby has a mustache and it's hilarious. Anyway. He opened it on Christmas and because it was just a book, he put it to the side, obviously not as excited as he was for other gifts.

It kinda bothered me. But, hey, he is four. What is he supposed to do?

Fast forward to right now. I saw him for the first time since Christmas. After about an hour of us playing together, he goes, "Kimmy. You know that book you got me for Christmas? I love it. It is so funny. We read it every night."

Then he giggled. He had the biggest smile on his face.

That is a tender mercy of the Lord. A miracle. A pat of the back. A moment.

In a moment, everything can change. A day can go from great to bad. Weather can shift from stormy to sunny. The cookies in the oven can go from doughy to burnt.

Life is full of moments, good and bad and stuff in between. We remember the moments.

Sure, it would be great if life were only full of good moments, but then how would we know if we actually had a good moment if we have never had a bad one or the stuff in between.

"If life were only [good] moments, then you'd never know you had one" (Into the Woods).

And we can't only live in the moments, you need to let the moments go. They are not meant to be lived in forever. A star athlete in high school can't live in the glory days forever.

"Don't forget it for a moment though."

Memories are there, ready to be replayed in our minds. These intangible moments will be with us forever. Reflecting back on the moments is ok as long as we don't miss the next one coming.

My nephew will move on to new books, toys, activities, but I will savor this moment in my mind when I brought him joy. I will grow with him and try to find a new way that we can have another moment together. Another memory.

Look for the next moment to come because sometimes you are too long in one moment to realize that your next moment has already begun.

It's funny, eh?

glass in the air

You know how when you are holding a casserole dish, or a wine glass (in my case a sparkling cider glass), or a mug or anything glass. Fragile. And then you trip. The glassware slips out of your hand and for a moment you are suspended in time. Waiting. The glass twinkles in the light. You are stranded in motion, waiting for the consequence. Will the glass shatter? You think of your surroundings. Tile or wood or carpet or vinyl? Five foot drop. Four feet? Is there an attempt to catch it? Or would you simply just hit the glass more and further secure its demise.

All you can do is wait. Wait for the silence to end with a shatter or a thud. Either way, you dropped the glassware. Whatever outcome comes, comes because you slipped. Comes because you thought you could hold on to five things at once. Popcorn in one hand. Glassware in another. Your teeth securing a Kit Kat bar. King size. A soda balanced in your armpit and a blanket draped over your head, dragging on the ground.

And this moment of suspension, this moment where your life either goes from an accident to a rough landing or an accident to a shattered attempt at stability, is never ending.

You are stuck until gravity takes hold, ripping you slowly.

time...

Time is a subject that when I think about it a lot...it hurts my head. To preface this, I believe in and eternal God and to Him, time is not a factor. Think about that. Time not mattering. It is a thought that just makes smoke come out of my ears because my brain blew a circuit. So when I think about our Earth life, our time to be tested, this time truly counts. Since I believe in eternal life, a life that has no regard for time, this instance is my only timed time. Bear with me...if I can bear with myself.

So if this time we have on Earth is the only time that matters, why are we wasting it? I have been thinking about this a lot in the last few weeks as I started as a student teacher, which is going alright beeteedubs. Half of my day is spent at school, 7:30-3:00. That is time that I give for my students, my future job. But when I get home, that is my time. So what have I been doing?

3:15-3:30 - get home
3:15-4:00 ish - eat a bowl of cereal while watching a tv show
4:00 -5:00- workout
5:00- 9:30ish maybe watch a show while I make dinner, shower, see friends.
9:30ish-10:00ish - read scriptures and get ready for bed
10:30 (hopefully) - go to bed

That is my life and I think it is pretty good. Some days I am better at keeping to this than others. Add in the occasional trip to the grocery store. But I have realized that as I have a busier schedule, the priorities of what I want in my day changed. I don't have time to watch tv for hours. I don't have the energy to stay up super late and get up as early as I do. I have to choose what is important.

The steady thing that has been an importance in my day is working out. This may seem crazy to some people because by 4 I am already wanted to go to bed or just sit. But I have found that my night is far more productive when I workout. Working out is like taking a nap. I do not care that it is obsessive of me to have to workout every day. It is something that I need and I believe that that's a good thing. It's not like I am doing drugs or whatever. And yes, working out doesn't make me stick thing, but that's not why I do it. I do it because I want to live longer. I want to be a good example for my nieces and nephews. I want to be able to be as hardcore as my dad and mom when I am their age. I want an active lifestyle. And I am willing to work for it.

Okay. This wasn't meant to be a workout post. But...you all know how I am on tangents...I believe that my students are catching on to that as well.

The point I am trying to make is make time for what you find important. What I find important and what you find important are going to be different. And that is just fine. As long as you are not wasting your time. I am still working on trying to be better with my time, it is pretty difficult. It is so easy to just sit and watch show after show, but my time is limited. Your time is limited. And if we are judged for our time here on Earth, we cannot afford to waste it. Our limited time is judged with what we make of it.

This also goes with whom I spend my time with. I do not want to spend time with people who are not, this sounds harsh, important to me. I am at the point in my life where I do not have to do things I do not want to, for the most part. So I will chose what I want to do. The only exception of this is when it comes to church things. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, there is a lot going on at different times of the week, including and especially Sunday. I am willing to give my time up for the church, for my God. In those cases, it is up to me to change my attitude.

That's how this whole post about time got into my head. I was going to an activity, a Sunday dinner put on by my church, and I was walking there alone. It kind of made me mad that my friends and peers did not come. This event was sponsored and prepared by the people we go to church with every Sunday. The least we could do is support them for a quick bite to eat. It is a simple act that I do not understand why people do not support. Sure, it may take a half hour out of your schedule. Yes, the food might not be great. And of course, you might be sitting by yourself at a table. But that point is that you support. You are telling people that the time they spent in preparing the dinner or activity was well worth it. Maybe it is just me, but I feel that if you are able to go to an activity, you go. Change your attitude. Maybe change into your big girl panties. Just go. Because that time, dedicated to supporting someone who is trying to serve you, is time well spent.


As I was walking, I also was thinking about my time and how much I dedicate it to the Lord. The answer I came up with was too little. I need to shift things around in my schedule to include Him more. I do not want a graph to come up at the end of my timed existence with social media or tv towering over my time spent dedicated to Him.  That would be a very depressing graph.

So go out there. Spend your time wisely, because you will not get this time back. Ever. Our timed test on Earth will end. And when it does. What kind of graph do you want to see?

As my grandpa Turley says:

 "Time flies, but remember you are the navigator."


*I think this is the quote? may not be exact...but the meaning is the same.

the conclusion...

The long awaited conclusion to Mr. Popper's story is finally here. Sort of. It has been a while since it all happened, so I only have some basics. Let's throwback to old blog post structure: bullet points!

but before that. here is some background info. we kissed. on a Saturday. that lasted a weekish. he told me, after a night of conoodling, that he was going to go on another date with another girl the next Saturday. we will call her Missy. in all fairness, I thought that would be ok. that is what dating is. Saturday rolls around. I was not ok. at all. I felt sick. the next day, he was being so nice. like doing my dishes, but I felt sick. so Sunday night, the day after his date with the other girl, a week after we first kissed, we talked.

• I said "I don't know how I feel"
• he said "me neither"
• I said "but I know I don't like you going out with other girls, but I don't want to be exclusive"
• he said "yes. that's what we agreed on"
• I said "I realize that I cannot handle thinking of you on dates with other girls. I compare myself to them and that is not good for me. it makes me doubt myself. but I don't feel that I like you enough to be exclusive. and well I guess that means that it the answer. if we both don't know after all the time we spent together...I think that is the answer. we should stop"
• he said "is this going to affect me getting invited to things"
• I kid you not. that is what he said. right after what I said.
• being nice, I said "no, I will be fine with it"
• he said "good. what I wanted out of this was a best friend. like someone I can talk to about stuff we talk about. could we still talk like that?"
• ok...and with benefits?
• I said "well, I have enough friends. I don't need more. I want people I can date. I do not want to waste my energy, time, and emotions on another friend. I cannot go that in-depth with a new friend. because I cannot give that much of myself away. it is already hard enough to do that in general"
• he said "that is fair"

*that was the gist of what was said. idk exactly how it was said.

and that's it. he left, taking a cookie before walking out the door. and I cried. I am not particularly sure why I cried. I know that I was mourning a loss. I was losing a friend. I knew I wasn't going to hang out with him anymore. but I also thought I was crying because I was proud for standing up for myself. I was able to learn form my experience from the Merman. I stopped something before it could hurt me as much as it hurt me with the Merman. and I only stopped something because it felt right. it wasn't worth it to potentially be hurt. that's also how I knew that this was the right decision.

so. after that Sunday. we still had a Halloween party we had to go to together. it was a murder mystery and coupled theme. him and I were a couple. luckily, I was a religious zealot. so I could be snippy and weird and have an excuse to not touch him. it was actually pretty fun. Brandon was also there, so I had him to lean on. Halloween was on Friday. so he goes on a date with Missy, from the week before, the night before Halloween. they kissed. woo hoo.

flash forward to Saturday. day after our Halloween extravaganza. he went on a date with another rando. and then I think Missy again...but not sure. I am not a stalker.

Sunday morning. Facebook official with Missy.

glad I got out and made way for their happiness.

I feel like I should provide a disclaimer. I am not bitter. more so, I am happy that I did what I needed to do. he was not right for me and I him.

this experience was worth it. even though it sucked. I learned that I can and should always voice my opinions. it is not worth questioning a situation or comparing at the cost of trying to 'go with the flow'. my life is just that. it is mine. I should not settle for anything that is less than what I desire.

and I won't.

 

p.s. I think the best is how he told me he was in a relationship. before I saw it on fbook, he gave me and my friend, Erin, a ride home from church. her and I were engrossed in singing a song and out of nowhere he says, "so I have a girlfriend now." we both stopped singing and just said that's great then went straight back to singing. haha it sounds kinda rude of us...but the way he said it was just out of left field.